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The horrific shit my friend wrote to me: (prepare to gouge out your eyes, people)

Potatoes are dummy thicc

Nice cock they (potato) have too

Potatoes are just like the inside topping of a donut. Creamy....

I once saw a potato spanking another. It was a hot hot scene. I had to take a photo of it and I ate the leftover of their...time because it was oh, so sweet.

Boy, oh boy, it really is beautiful. A potato exposing its skin like a goddamn stripper. It made me feel horny because I want to put that juicy potato meat in my goddamn erect mouth.

You know what? I ran out of potatoes to finger-fuck (eat), so I had to go underground (aka the graveyard). I dug a grave and fucked the living—uh, dead hell out of those potatoes. Heck, I swore one of them moaned even though they’re supposed to be dead.

There was that other time when a male potato fucked my face. We even did a threesome with a female potato who seemed to be a virgin. Blood squirted out of her potato pussy. It seemed like she was on her period, much better for the taste. I licked all of that blood and cum out. Her legs shivered like a baby animal who was just born. The male potato moaned and groaned while fucking the potato as I stroke my non-existent dick. That scene made me so erect that I eventually came all over them. The male potato collapse and I used his dying mouth to fuck the hell out of the female potato’s ass. I had so much fun that day, I think it was the best one yet.

Oh, you asked whether I have ever been fucked in the ass before? Well, actually, yes, yes I have. It’s not by a male potato’s dick, no no no! It’s by a futa potato. Boy...that fucking sick felt so good that I came immediately after taking a look at the pulsing junk. Heck, the dick is probably the longest I’ve ever seen! I was so thrilled and once the dick was in, oh my god, it can’t fit in my hole so it hurt like hell but after a few thrust, I'm literally filled with ecstasy. It felt so good that I moaned until I came which is like in seconds. It’s sooooooooooo good. The futa potato could even be a goddamn porn star on potatohub if it wants to. I want to fuck it over and over and over again but sadly, I can’t go on because I can barely walk after round 1 but I kept going and almost died from pleasure.

And, you can also shove some potato up the fucking camel’s tight ass???

“Weewee is your peepee”
-potato simp (jk)

“If it’s a hole in a potato, place your peepee in the hehe”

-potato simp

So...I ran out of potatoes...I had an idea....but I think that it’s not that great—I decided to go to the French fries facility and steal a few crates filled with them....I mean, French fries are cousins of the good ol’ fuck-buddy of mine called potato. I was surprised because boy...they had the biggest dicks I’ve ever seen and they’re playboys as well...it was soooooo enjoyable that I nutted twice after being teased by that throbbing huge cock. I just had to get a taste of it and I did. Oh...MY...GOD! It was so delicious that I had to stroke my own non-existent dick while the other fries fucked me in the ass. Before I realized it..., it turned into a gangbang. One female fry decided to suck on my dick while fucking herself with a dildo. The other fry began masturbating to the scene and came all over my horny body. That was the best cum I’ve ever had in ages. The first one was when a potato deep-throated me while simultaneously jacking up the power of the machine on my cock. This one tops it as being the best because just then, I get to fuck a male potato’s ass! It was so damn tight that it took a while to just insert it in so I can start pushing back and forth. But it was worth the wait because it was soooooo good. It wrapped my cock up so nicely that I came after a few thrusts. I also stroked the guy’s dick too and he came...a lot...it was the best night ever! Moans were everywhere as skin slaps can be heard, I swore that I turned into a fucking slut that night. They were so rough to me, unlike the potatoes.

This is the end.

I hope you have a great day.