Chat About Anything

i’m pretty sure i have a extreme eating disorder, currently i weigh 110 pounds i’ve lost 40 pounds this year, and i haven’t had a proper meal for two months, i eat hunger suppressants ( more like drink) and if i do eat something i calculate and divide the calories for it, i was overweight last year and my family, everyone thought they could have an opinion about it and now that i’m on the verge of dying they suddenly shower me with compliments, i was always in family settings watered down to just my weight, things such as “who’s going to marry you”, or “fat jokes”. I wasn’t even that fat. my own friends used to say all my problems could be solved if i lost a little weight, and that’s bc i thought everything had to do with me being fat, i didn’t want pple to see me i didn’t want to be in pictures, i had anxiety just going out on a walk bc i thought pple are looking at me bc i’m so fat. i thought and still do that i didn’t have the right to live like others bc of my weight, that’s all anyone would talk about, and it might be bc i seem like a chill person and allow that opportunity for pple to tell me what to do with my body, but i feel that it’s almost like i don’t deserve to be happy ever. now it’s suddenly that i’m too skinny, i need to eat from the same pple that bullied me, said so much harmful shit to me. i felt like such shit, now i’m skinny and i still feel like shit. anyway this is just a vent tbh. at least i can rock low rise jeans lmao. i’ve talked to one friend about it but that’s it, tbh it’s rlly sad that anyone has to change to appease anyone. i’m just wondering if it’s the same for anyone else.