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i cant taste anything anymore
14 06,2021
Idk why but there was one time where my period just skipped a month
14 06,2021
[DELETED] 04 06,2021
Hello, so I've always had a kinda irregular period but last month it didn't come AT ALL not even the symptoms. Could this be because I've been under too much stress lately? My depression came by again so I've been feeling a little crappy this past months so maybe it's that (?) Has someone here had an experience like that? Thanks for reading :)
04 06,2021
that I like the smell of my period blood :)
24 04,2021
I didn’t even know it was possible to throw up because of cramps.





Fuck my life.
















Y’all know any good ways to stop cramps?
07 04,2021
Noonuia (It's pronounced Noon and then yuh but I write this down because I will never remember) The 4th largest nation is Tavern (but It's more the size of Alaska so compared to Solaria very small)

Noonuia is what I would call a combination of cultures but the only reason this is important to the wried story in my head is because of the two people who live there. Noonin people speak Tiqanl (French essentially just with a few other words) And It's a very dark woods like terrain. (very creepy at night) Abandon wood houses everywhere you look. whole abandoned cities. They have no emperor or anything like that they do have leaders within their own community like 'Madame' the leader of the Elizadan house. and she is in charge of the Elizadan territory and everything under it. But the house with the most territory is the Nero house. (Almost half the country in fact) This power system if you haven't guess fails quite a lot with a lot of power struggles, fights, and unnecessary bloodshed over territory and leaders.

Most Pure Noonin's Are beast-men(but most of them look human anyway so- with the smallest population of humans being only about 1,000. A huge epidemic Of the flower disease has swept 2/3 of Noonia's population. (add autumn's mother to the list)

Everyone is to stay away from each other and people are now a rare cite. in some cities, if you were in contact with someone with the desire you are not allowed in. the situation is dire there the flower disease has wiped out entire houses people in Nooniua are always afraid that they will be the disease, next victim.

Anyway, some light-hearted stuff. in my opinion, the only reason I care about Nooniua is because of the 1 person, and 1 thing that lives there.
1st person would be Autumn Hawthrone who is the great-grandaughter of the leader of the Elizadan house. And Is very special She Is the reincarnation (the stupidest name I've ever made) And Is probably the only reincarnation person on earth that still has all the memories of her past life intact. which is why she was an intelligent kid and knows about Mizuki's (Character I may or may never talk about) plan. but never does anything about it because it has nothing to do with her and she doesn't know the full extent of it was just something she remembered hearing before.

even if she is millions of years old she still acts like a teenager, Being that because her parents figured out almost imeddtily after she was born she may have a connection to the wolf of the garden (One eye was black the other amber, while her father has amber eyes no one in Nooniua has black eyes and it would be impossible for the baby not to be his, also maybe the glowing garden was a hint to) this lantern that she owns can find the garden of the gods, in fact, it's the only way to find it because it was made to guide spirits, and the gods to the gate. this lantern can find really anything as long as it knows what it's looking for. (like say you lost your hat Autumn can command it to go fin you hat and it will float it's self over to it) Autumn can conjure the lantern out of thin air, she can enlarge it, make it smaller, wider, and she uses it as a means for transpositions since she can make it big enough to ride on. And this is just a thought but I want to make the garden be able to absorb things and keep them are vanishing once absorbed. like other humans being able to get into it and inside it huge or something. but she can't get in herself.

(also she's best friends with jiru, and they are commonly mistaken for being a couple, even Ying Yue who is one of her closest best friends was like "If I wasn't their friends I would have assumed they were dating.")

And finally, the Oracle, to put it short the oracle is like a bunny (but not really it's confusing) And google, but if google had you pay in bribes for answers. and the answers are most likely "Well, The Gods never said anything about it, I'm not will to get the info for it, So No, go away, I'm heading to bed."

OMG I almost forgot there is a higher percentage of magic people in Nooniua because magic is fairly more common in other species and not humans. (so in other words it more likely that you have magic if you are not a human)

bye bye (I never finished the Sloria thing so I move on to the other kingdoms because I'm getting bored)
15 01,2021
Solaria(also called The Solarian Nation):
The Largest Nation in Tavern(The world) A Western Eroupnen based place, Most of Solaria are humans (Yingyue, Rin, Ari, Korurteny, the list goes on) but there are small minorities (beast-men, Elves, Nyphmes and others I can't think of.) but yeah most of them are humans.

The Emporer which is more of a tyrant once had a fiance but she ran away a day before the wedding. He does have a past with this woman, Which I will not explain now. Also On the topic of the Emporer, he has 5 sons but 2 are dead. the original heir to the throne was a woman, Rin's only actual relative and his sister. but thanks to the king she was "killed" (She really committed suicide but her best friend took the blame for it and he was lucky to just get away with banishment) The The first prince died of a wound infection shortly after, the second prince died of the "flower disease" (which I will explain later because it has to do with the king) only leaving the at the time 8-year-old Rin and his youngest sibling that he didn't really like the 4th prince. So now he is the "nice, but totally oblivious of his privilege, with sorta anger issues thanks to everyone around him but he's really just a good guy-" prince. (Not to mention the only magic user in the royal family)

Back to the topic of solaria, it's self, the Most amount of magical people live there(Which won't make sense when I get to the rest of the nations), but magical people are sorta pressed a lot in solaria most people think they are just demons in disguise people with powers are often denied service at some places, are most of them don't have jobs. That's why the alliance is a thing. a safe place for magic users. they are used almost as soldiers to go in between the kingdom to keep the peace. but a lot of alliance members abuse their power, and because they are more powerful than regular people they can push people around. so who's really oppressed? The 4th prince made the idea when he was 10 it was acted upon a year later and now he is I charge of it.

By the way, I don't know why I need to add this but solaria were in a 200-year war that had just ended recently. (after a huge ass conflict with the government in Wedward another nation, just realized how ridiculous these names are) Solaria Won. because solaria are very good with their military.

I need to talk about the religion so I remember. There are 4 main gods. the ones most people depend on the most because the other gods are under those gods.
The god of chaos
The god of time (time is cruel to everyone)
the god of life and death (There petty, the whole reason the flower disease happened and most everything happened is because of her!)
The Unknown god. (*cough* partially the unknown god is like everything else not relating to time, chaos, and life and death which would you believe it is close to nothing most likely light and the opposite of chaos because they appeared in human history around the same time the god of time, was always there and the god of life and death was second) The god of life and death was based with solaria. which is the reason for the huge state in the castle







OMG THIS WAS WAY TO MUCH AND I'M NOT EVEN DONE! because I need to take a break, see yall in two days
13 01,2021
Luca[1] Was extremely happy to see Ryuu genuinely happy. He was glad that he could help, according to Annalise, this is how he used to act. greeting everyone with a tender smile
While helping him he Noticed some things.
The most interesting of them is that he bites his skin a lot, especially under stress.
While Ryuu claimed it was an old habit he's has tried to fix, he never saw any effort go into that.
Luca was told to hold a banquet of flowers that Ryuu was given by one of his teachers. and Ryuu went to the back of the greenhouse to see if he could find the type of flower to know what to do with it.
Even after all of this he couldn't understand his fascination with flowers, he even had the ugly looking ones. the only Cunclsion he came to was that flowers were...nice? (Nice? that's it? expand your vocabulary, me!)
11 01,2021
(I really made this instead of drawing? I need help)
The man laughed and grabbed him by the hair, the human gasped. the human clam blue eyes met with red raging eyes. the demon stared at him.

He wanted to see those clam eyes in pain.

The demon softly caressed the human's lips "I won't let you sleep, I want to hear you scream." He threw the weak human on the bed. but not like before the human didn't fight back, The human part of him which he hated so much for succumbing to this scumbag had gotten the best of him there was nothing he could do that he did.

The demon continuously bites his dealing human, While it hurt the human girt his teeth he at least needed to get this over with so he could return to his home.

(now I actually must leave for a few days)
10 01,2021
This is a part 2 to the last one
Ryuu felt a bit more comforted by his words but he was still worried he looked down at the ground he spoke softly slightly lisping.

“Thhithhi, can you promithe me thomething."(ShiShi[1], Can you promise me something.)

“What may that be?”

"can you promithe me you will thtay with me ath long ath I live for?" ("Can you promise me you will stay with me as long as I live for?")

It was a weird promise to make, why did he want him to make such a promise? But Yingyue didn’t mind It he had made the promise long ago so it wasn’t weird to make the promise again.

“I promise,” he says after a moment.

That was all the reassurance Ryuu needed. In the end, he still had people who loved him. A bit later It was time to leave. Ryuu felt slightly dizzy standing up and stumbled but lucky for him Ying Yue caught him. They left the greenhouse and on the way back Ryuu spotted a couple he looks at them but quickly looks away.

“Are you disgusted?”Yingyue says

At first, Ryuu didn’t hear him. But then he tapped his shoulder and signed it. He finally realized what he said. “No, sorry.” he signed he wasn’t disgusted, more like jealous and discomfort. He had long ago realized that what Seth and ms vega [2] did to him wasn’t normal, and that’s what he wanted to be normal.

That night Ryuu couldn’t stop coughing, it was constant, it was loud, Yingyue had to check on him, Ryuu was coughing up blood lots of it.

(Because I have to do homework and wash dishes this is the only one I have today and I have more parts to this one scenario)

[1] “ShiShi” I forget what language I called it but whatever, it means father. But since Ryuu’s actual father is still alive Ying Yue is just his adoptive father he refers to him as that
[2] I’m adding slightly more trama than I should have. But before Seth was ms vega, in my opinion, if you though Seth was bad Mrs vega makes him look like a saint I’ll make a story with her later
08 01,2021
"Who hurt you?" Seth caressed his face, It was still painful and not gentle at all. Seth's hands felt colder than his. he never felt comforted in Seth's arms.

He gazed away to the side not wanting to look him in the eye. he wondered what his friends were doing, obviously they wanted nothing to do with him.
08 01,2021
Wasn't it? Or was it just for me?

It could be for many reasons really. The World burning right now, for covid and other stuff, so the situation being difficult and not completely enjoyable in general.
Or maybe the fact that I'm growing up? Which, of course, is something not everyone can relate to right now, because someone could've arleady got over this phase.
Or maybe because the situation in my family is a bit strange recently, since someone died, but I mean it's another personal thing, so I don't think you guys can relate to this. I mean I hope you can't honestly.

So yeah it could be these reasons, or something else that I didn't think about. But overall it was strange in my opinion, and it also passed really quickly, both Christmas itself and the month. More than it did last year at least

What do you think? How was it for you?

(Also sorry for my bad english)
06 01,2021
TW//Rape or implied Rape
He motioned his hands for him to stop but Seth didn’t. He once again ignored him. His voice stayed silent he wanted to scream, but couldn’t.only small whimpers, and choked up sobs. From what Seth said He was doing this for his good. His blue eyes were now filled with terror.
His whole body was shaking, Now THIS was what he feared. Seth paused for a moment a lifted Ryuu’s chin to his. (I’m losing brain cells help)Seth was much taller than he was. (Ryuu is 161cm so kinda short for a guy) he struggled a bit to break free. But to no use. Seth wrapped his hands around Ryuu’s wrist then tied a rope around his wrist.

He felt another hand move down at his waist. The man growled, “I was so scared when you left school and didn’t come to see me.” (I should probably explain. Seth means grinma a school Ryuu went to. Ryuu left that school 5 years ago, he was part of the reason he left.)Seth entered his body from behind, Ryuu stops struggling, he was overcome with anxiety, and out of strength. Seth was large enough to trap him in his arms so what was the point? He fell into deep despair once again. He wept face hidden.
It was painful
It was humiliating
later that night thinking the only one to blame was himself, he lied in Seth’s bed. He had suffered a lot in the past the only thing that kept him grounded now was his friends and family. He just wanted to drop dead (I probably shouldn’t word it like that but I did it already)maybe if he wasn’t the person he was things would’ve been different. Maybe he should’ve never been born. He curled into himself and started to cry again. His nose began to bleed once more. A little after his half-lidded eyes saw someone come into the room and come towards him
Please...No…
But almost in an instant, Ryuu fell asleep.


Don't @ me I know It sucks.
06 01,2021
So my period came right, and i asked my mom to buy me pads (we don't have tampons in our country), and she kept giving me excuses like, "im busy","i don't have the money maybe tomorrow",and i went on that day without pads and i had to change my pants 10 times, and then i found out she went drinking this day, and i asked her if she bought some pads and she said "i don't have the money", and i was mad because she had the money to drink but didn't have the money to buy me some pads that would only costs like 3.50 ,so i yelled at her telling her that she was ignorant and selfish, she asked me what was going on with my behavior and i just told her to shut the fuck up and slammed my door on her, was i too harsh? I don't feel bad but in some way im feeling a bit sad
06 01,2021
Promoting my discord cause why not. Here a freshly picked discord invite link
https://discord.gg/26BfCEMF
30 11,2020
I actually have social anxiety disorder and omg I literally have a panic attack over conversations with my therapist.


WITH MY THERAPIST

the woman who is supposed to fix my panic attacks


Why is my brain like this
30 11,2020
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07 09,2020