help me pls

help pls help me. Im so tired. exhausted so much i regret being born.

i thought im just sad because i cant get a job but i do have one now and i havent been sad nor tired like i want to die for 3 weeks. I actually felt good and are well rested but it started again last night. It might be triggered by something but i dont remember.
im more irritable when im usually patient and calm. my body is heavy and this morning i feel like throwing up and when i rushed into the toilet theres no vomit i just gag until i find myself forcefully pushing out my breakfast but it wont come out no matter so i just gag until my stomach returns to normal. IDK what that is but its painful.

this kind of tiredness where im just so exhausted i cant explain, i want to die but thinking about what i could leave behind like funeral bills and guiltiness placed on my fam's heart makes me stop at the same time i have deep desire to sleep forever. i tried everything, i walked in the sun to soak in that shine and took basic care of myself but i still feel this tiredness in episodes. specially every month or so, it started last year or maybe longer than that.

please help me what is this am i just sad? or do i need to invest and talk to a therapist? i tried to talk to a friend but it didnt help this kind of episodes came back and i dont want to burden them so much. please i beg any of you i just want to know whats wrong with me i dont know anymore. I dont want to assume any mental health disorder. half of me also just want to know if what im experiencing is valid because it doesnt go away