I think I ruined my v*g*na (serious/concerned )

I just dont know what to do now :(( I wont be too graphic but I've been worried about it since its fucking grey and ever since I was 11 (5+ years ago) I've put stuff up there, (which were always markers) and I think i've now intoxicated my thing or something now.... And not only from how it looks, also now it really hurts... Something new is that when I pee its really painful, feels like a cut or something and i'm too scared to go to a gynecologist since they might think im crazy or are gonna tell on my mom....... I can't stop self pleasuring either, I know its bad but it's just distressing to me and now im wondering if im in pain or if the color of it is because of that ://