Rant

Ever since my life got messy around 2 months ago i sttart to feel anxiety around my parents, and it feels like im walking on eggshells when i interact with them. Online classes are hell, and evrr since my parents started monitoring me more it feels like im suffering. Even if im restingthey getmad at me for beign lazy. I know im slacking off at the moment but i do them later. And when this anxiety and anger from my parents were getting morr feequent i start to feel pain. I know it may be a small deal to some but for mr it is. I feel like they dont care abt my happiness. They take away what makes me happy. And with those happening, thoughts start to enter my mind. My mind tells myself to do it. To scratch myself. As hard and painful as i can. I cant seem to stop it. I alreafy have 2 scars from it. Yet the thought comes back. I also once considered strangling myself. And i did it. With my own bare hands. The thougt of not eating also came. And there was gis one stupid fucking time i had a breakdown over my dad getting mad at me. I scratched myself more. I broke down at the bathroom. My eyes were red as fuck. Yet my dad
doesnt feel anything. And thinks self harm is a fucking joke and trend. He inly noticed the small scratch on my arm and made me cut my nails. My thumb still hurt from it. I feel like i want to talk to a therapist and get diagnosed. Because i feel like this isnt overreacting anymore. I start to feel more panic attacks. The thought of scratching myself grows and i cant stop it. I feel like i let my entire problems out here on this website but hey at least no one sees this. Thanks for reading if u did.