venting or whatever

so recently I got into a fight w/ my friend on discord because of a bot, while we were fighting I was "overthinking" things like "should I say sorry?" "should I just give her all my money?" "Should I stop being friends with her?" "should I just disappear from the internet?" "Should I give her all my money then delete my account?".Later on, she kicked me from her server then I kicked her from mine and left the server I technically made but she owned. then I unfriended her and blocked her since it seemed like she didn't like me, before i blocked her she told me she hated me twice which made me feel disgusting. I thought it would be better to talk to my other friends to try and get my mind off of the fight. Last year(2020) I ran away from my problems. Sometimes i wish things could go back to how it used to be, active, happy, confident, quiet, unproblematic. My stomach hurts, my head is aching, I feel like throwing up, I feel like a mess. I'm sorry im such a bad person,I'm sorry i have trust issues,I'm sorry im no longer unproblematic,im sorry that im selfish,I'm sorry that im ugly, I'm sorry that im dumb,im sorry that this is so cringy,im sorry that I'm venting, I'm sorry I'm weird, im sorry your reading this, im sorry,im so fucking sorry. Am i okay?is this normal?do i have a mental illness?do i need therapy?Should i take a break from the internet?Should I stop pretending im fine?? This is so dumb.




- someone