A few years ago, I had lost a drastic amount of weight. I am 4 ft 9in and went from around 145 lbs to 97 lbs in about a year or so. I was constantly anxious and paranoid about eating. Everyday, I legitimately struggled to eat and my thoughts were racing through my head. ‘If I eat, I’ll gain weight. If I eat, I’ll have to exercise another two hours. I’ve got to become prettier.’ I drove myself mental and my clinical depression became extremely severe and lo behold, I ended up in the hospital when I had come to a point where I didn’t want to live anymore. I’m much better now, but with how I lost the weight, I’ve gained it ALL and MORE back. I’m really disappointed and upset with myself. But I don’t know how to lose the weight without going overboard. My personality is to either go 0 or 100. I can’t seem to find a middle... Weight issues suck... I want to be healthy, but society has my mind consistently thinking I should do it to be pretty... i’ve never found myself to be pretty anyways... so I get really confused and depressed.
I'm replying really late, but I still want to let you know that even without knowing you, you've done so much. I'm happy that you're still here, and I hope that you can find people around you that understand that some bodies can not be healthy in the recommended weight range for their height. Fatphobia is engrained in medical field, and I hope you can find someone who understands the nuances that need to be taken into a count so that you can feel healthy in your own skin (๑•ㅂ•)و✧ <-- a stranger's (me) encouragement (=・ω・=)
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I'm replying really late, but I still want to let you know that even without knowing you, you've done so much. I'm happy that you're still here, and I hope that you can find people around you that understand that some bodies can not be healthy in the recommended weight range for their height. Fatphobia is engrained in medical field, and I hope you can find someone who understands the nuances that need to be taken into a count so that you can feel healthy in your own skin (๑•ㅂ•)و✧ <-- a stranger's (me) encouragement (=・ω・=)