(help) I'm a bad gf / gay thoughts...

When me and my bf were about to to date/in the beginning I was so happy , but through time that's changed, and I hate it... He's perfect, nice, and my type, but I think it started ever since I joked saying how we'd be cute if we were "lesbians" because it made me feel a certain way.... I like Yuri too, and whenever we make "future" plans it doesn't feel as legit as it once did... We're perfect for each other, and I hate feeling this way, because it's happened before, and whenever I break up with guys I regret it after... What should I do, I don't wanna use him , but finding a gf is hard.... I'm pan too, so maybe it's just a lesbian phase? It's never been this long though :( I think i'll be happier with a girl but idk....