Should I forgive my brother for ruining my first crush?
Hello guys!
It is the LGBTQ+ Month. I am sharing another story on the matter with you. Please, take the time to read and share your thoughts. Some aspects might be left unclear in purpose so we could come with various interpretations.
“It might sound petty, but I hate my twin brother, [Antony], for years and now, I am confused about my feelings.
Everything started in High School when I, [Brittany], was in love of one of the boys of my class, [Nathan]. All my girl friends knew about it. At home, I will casually talk about my crush in front of my parents and my brother, my greatest confident. My brother [Antony] would listen to me every day talking about how sweet and lovable [Nathan] was. I thought I could trust him.
Few months later, I felt betrayed by my family. During dinner, he announced that not only he was gay, but he was dating [Nathan] few days ago. My parents were quite surprised by the news but decided to give all their support to my brother. I was disgusted and felt wretched since that day. Nobody in this family thought that this situation was somehow unfair for me; they were just asking me to be understanding without considering how I felt.
Then, I started hating my brother, but strangely, I hated him because he was gay. I thought myself that I trusted him, not only because he was my twin, but because I could have never imagined that he would be a treat. Our parents brushed away my feelings because they were too considerate of [Antony] and wanted him to be warmly received for his courage. Thanks to that, he got away with this betrayal and more. I was so mad. We kept arguing at home and suddenly, table turned: he was now everyone’s favorite in our family. I started ignoring and treating him like a stranger.
Regarding [Nathan], I could not love that ‘scum’ anymore. I was giving him the dirty look and the cold shoulder – he always gave me a confused expression in return. I even ended up, with some friends, shaming gay people so I could make them uncomfortable when they were around. As [Antony] and [Nathan] kept their relationship secret at school, those silly talks seemed targetless. The following year, [Nathan] transferred to a neighborhood school and broke up with [Antony].
Years passed and we are all working professionals now. At a High School Reunion, I met [Nathan] again after avoiding him for so long. I was still awkward around him, and he felt the need to clarify what happened: he was never into men and has never loved my brother. ‘I accepted to date him out of curiosity, and he was being quite desperate. I wonder why: we never talked before, but he was so confident that he was in love with me. I just told myself why not. When I could not take it anymore, I simply broke up with him. You know, I was young and wanted to follow the trend, but really it was not meant for me. I actually like women like you [Brittany] or your friends.’
When he finished talking, I could not stop crying. I felt overwhelmed by confusion, hating myself, but weirder, I could not rationalize my hatred for neither [Nathan] nor [Antony] anymore. As I befriended my colleague, [Sabrina] who was lesbian, I realized that my hatred against homosexuality was superficial: I had nothing against them and deeply regretted shaming them. Yet, I cannot imagine myself forgiving [Antony], my parents or [Nathan] for messing up with my childhood and who I am today. I LOATHE THEM.
Am I weird for thinking the way I do?”
Please, share your thoughts. (=・ω・=)
