UHHHHHHH (relationship stuff/rant?? )

Bruh.....why? WHY. Istg for the past 2 years i have had absolutely no interest in no-one (other than fictional characters :_| ) . But then this fucker decides to hello themselves right into my life. They even said that they liked me and shiz like a year ago and now they keep trying to talk to me. I mean ig i like them a bit but if we do get together...wtf am i going to do/talk about???? the only thing i do is watch anime, cry abt my toxic family at 4 am, ( my brain decides to remember all the bad shit they do at that time for some reason) and read manga/books/bl. Why tf do they even like me? its not for my look for sure bc i look like a donkey and a squirrel in one. Its not for my personality bc i don't have one. So like..what. I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense its 2am leave me alone. Plus i'm not mentally ready for a relationship but at the same time am? I'm rlly starting to think that i only like him bc i'm in desperate need for affection.So i read fluffy books and other stuff that makes you go "fuck. i rlly want that " and then I imagine that all ppl are like the ppl in the books (all the gooey gooey love and romantic shit) and they really aren't but then i start fantasizing and everything becomes a blur. It makes me feel lonely and want a relationship. but at the same time i rlly don't want one bc that takes so much effort. I barely wake up in the morning bc i sleep at 6am ( my brain suddenly decided that for some reason and won't let me sleep anytime sooner) and having to worry abt a person 25/8 seems draining. i just don't know what to do. I do really like talking to them though. They're a pretty neat specimen. And i know that we could just stay friends but we both sorta like each other so idk? and on top of all of that im having a gender identity crisis. So UGH. why did i have to go outside that day. :|