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I hate myself

kokomomo7 kokomomo7 2021-06-30 15:40:41 About mental breakdown
I almost killed my self last night.. Oh good god.. Its starting to become normal for me to be suicidal each night..

My family is strict with education and apparently my grades are failing and its gonna be such a shame if they find out.. For me the only way to escape is death but i cant bring myself to do it at the same time.. But i know.. I know that i have to die soon because if they find out that my grades are falling theyd either kick me out or fucking beat the crap out of me again!

God i hate life :D pls reincarnate me into a rich handsome guy in my next life...

Messages

Eric June 30, 2021 5:08 pm

Oh same. I dunno if ur looking for advice or if u rly just wanted to vent. I can at least assure u of this, with parents like that it does not get better until you leave. No matter how many friends or outside support u have, until u have removed urself from that situation nothing will change. Honestly at the moment u should consider leaving on ur own, o r get sick enough for them to forget about shit for a few days to a good week. Its not the best but it works in my favour. If u have supportive or at least caring grandparents make an excuse to live over there for as long as u can, or find an aunt or an uncle thatd be willing to take u in if u decide to leave or indeed get kicked out. If ur expecting to get beat up keep first aid and ice packs around for quick cleanup and get the fuck out of there after having contacted someone u trust. A friend or a family member and explain ur situation. This is the best i can offer im sorry u have to suffer but when u do leave that toxic environment i can assure u, when ur able to prioritize on urself without ppl beating u down left and right u will feel a change and itll def be a good one :)

Luna_wolhwa June 30, 2021 4:24 pm

I had my mental breakdown 2 months ago and it lasted for 4months the same reason as yours academic and family problems my parents are strict too i like to isolate myself from everyone my room was my only comfort space thanks be to God I already overcome it... that time i just keep on reading and reading here on this site at night whenever im having anxiety it became my way of relieving myself and it also keeps myself busy to the point of forgetting the reason why i had the breakdown and so on~

Luna_wolhwa June 30, 2021 4:09 pm

If u have the courage to do that why dont u try to use that courage to change yourself..

Atleast try and discover new things that u havent yet dont waste ur life on an excuse like that

Stop keeping urself tied on smth if u already know ur suffering from it to the point of killing urself... u know u can just run away from it instead of wasting or wanting to end ur life just because of an excuse like that u still have a long way to go dude stay strong man (๑•ㅂ•)و✧

quackhalofan June 30, 2021 4:05 pm

hey i may not give the best advice but i really want to help if i can. i currently have the same situation i'm suppose to be graduating 10th grade but with all of this pandemic shit happening i cannot focus plus i have tons of work still not done and im worried if im ever gonna pass. whenever i do my work i procrasinate alot and end up not doing it and cramming it the next weeks. and ofcourse, the thought of just ending it all always crosses my mind because i feel like i'd disappoint my parents.

their expectations are just too much for me and you. i know how it feels, but you can never be sure if they will ever be angry once you tell them you're suffering. i say have a one on one conversation with your parents and try to make them understand your position. it takes a lot of courage but you have to face it. i really want to help because i empathize you. im trying my best not to tear up because i just know you're a wonderful person and ending it is just never the right choice.

asphyxi4 June 30, 2021 3:59 pm

Please don't do it. I know how hard and painful it can be. But remember that you are not alone. You will get stronger each day you live and it won't be easy. But the results will be worthy enough to make you love every breath you take . Keep kicking you got this (๑•ㅂ•)و✧

ZYN3ZYN3 June 30, 2021 3:45 pm

Then i wonder sometimes why i talk about Killing myself confidently like its not a sensitive topic..Im probably gonna go crazy.. As a person who gets demonic when angry im really grateful that i have strong patience.. Please kill me already..Or atleast put me in a comma or give me dissociative amnesia because i dont want to auffer no more..