someone bully me please

I desperately need someone to bully me into opening up to my friend. Here's a Lil background I have been besties with my friend for around 8-10 years now and I have not opened up to her about anything in my life even super small stuff like what someone said to me that I didn't like. yet with her on the other hand she opens up to me on a regular. And I feel so selfish for holding back from talking to people about myself. Like I'm super self-destructive and I'm aware of it but I don't know what to do about it so please someone bully me into opening up because at this point I don't think I ever will and I realize how unhealthy that is for me but I'm too stubborn to talk about this on my own.