I feel like I’m lying and making my family’s life more difficult

I developed ibs last year due to penicillin which basically made me throw up constantly from any sort of heavy food. I couldn’t eat before 12 pm and after 5 pm because I don’t know it didn’t like it and all food became dangerous and weaponised so I just ate crackers for a few months. I dropped around 40 pounds the first 2 months and then averaged out the next remaining months.

I’m allergic to red meat and lactose intolerant, both the throw up level of consumed too much. Items high in fructose, or foods with skin like certain nuts, fruits, vegetables and such hurt my stomach.

Here’s where i feel like im lying. I got onto a medication so I could be up early in the morning without getting the cramps, and it makes food a lot more bareable, like much more. But I don’t eat the foods. I now I won’t have that bad of consequences if I do eat the foods, but I had an incident on my birthday where I ate pancakes and a peach cobbler (before I got ibs)at Cracker Barrel and proceeded to throw up 7 times so much that I had to get my mom to buy me new clothes at the store next door so I could leave. So, basically im terrified of throwing up again and feeling that bad, and certain textures and looks of food just make me feel gross. I had that before like gagging before I could avocado down and I hate orange foods except for cantaloupe. But now cheese, real-dairy items and beef gross me out and I feel bad because im not going to throw up blood again because I have my medication so I should eat those foods but I give my family the hassle of finding a place that gives vegan options or things I can eat and I feel bad about it but I can’t bring myself to eat it because I’d just rather not eat because I won’t die if I don’t eat for a meal or a day or even a week. I have safe foods but I don’t always have them on me and I just don’t know how to actually eat the food if I get so nervous I start crying.

Also have issues with food regulation too because after going through ibs my stomach shrank considerably because I only ate like 500-800 calories a day, but then My medication is an appetite inhibitor which makes me hungry. The issue is I can’t tell between hunger, pain, and fullness, so I become really confused to whether I hurt or not or if I’m satisfied when I finish meals I was just wondering if anyone who has suffered the same thing knows how to fix this ?? It’s been a year and a half since this happened for anyone wondering


Tdrl or what ever it is; how to try new foods that make you nervous and how to make your stomach self regulate