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Have I made a mistake?
I (woman, 25) liked this girl who was in a group chat with me for a year. I asked her out and she said yes. But before we started anything, I asked her some basic stuff like how she wanted to be treated or what makes her uncomfortable and stuff like that. I learned that she's a virgin and that she wants to take it slow and she also told me about her insecurities. She said she was in a relationship before and the other woman dumped her without giving her a reason so she doesn't want to experience that again. And I said that I'd try my best to be as honest and as transparent as possible with her. So a couple of months passed and everything was fine so far. I tried my best to treat her with respect and kindly. She also kept telling me how happy she is with me and how much she misses me when we're not together. I invited her to my house for a couple of days. On the first night I made her a fire on my rooftop and we had a couple of drinks and I roasted some meat and marshmallows for her on that fire. We also watched movies and played boardgames. On the second night I thought it's okay if I take a step forward because we were both sober and she looked like she was enjoying herself. I set the mood and we talked a little and I started kissing her a little here and there while testing the water to see if she's okay if I keep going. I just wanted to give her a good time. As I was slowly going down on her she called my name and I froze because she was shaking and I thought she's nervous. I asked if I'm going too fast and she didn't say anything and just held me tight so I didn't go any further, just cuddled a little and went to sleep. Next day I sent her home and she said that she had a good time at my house, and that she misses me already and stuff like that. But after a week or so she started avoiding my texts and telling me she's too busy to meet me. I asked a few times if something is troubling her and if I could help her with anything, but she said everything is fine. And after about three weeks she told me that she wants to break up with me and that I'm not allowed to ask anything or try to fix things. And I said okay and thanked her for her time. It's been a couple of months now and I've been thinking so hard about what happened and what I did wrong. I did a looot I mean a LOT of self reflecting, and the only thing I found was THAT one time. I realised that she didn't actually tell me to stop and she was just calling my name, and I ruined her first time because of nothing.
Sooo... Have I made a huge mistake? It was my first time taking the lead with a virgin and I can't stop myself from feeling guilty
honestly i think its hypocritical of her to start off the relationship by telling you that she doesn't want to be broken up with without being given a reason and then turning around and doing the same to you. it sounds like you were putting in the effort with the communication on your end but she wasn't properly communicating with you, which now it...... 2 reply
mabye she just realised that mabye she didnt want a relationship yet, mabye shes not ready to have sex. it could be for a number of reasons. it definetly wouldve been nice if she gave a reason or communicated her feelings for sure, even without necessarily getting back together. but i dont think the problem was fully you or her tbh. sometimes shit ...... 1 reply
I think you really scared her, and it was too fast for her, but it's not like you forced yourself on her, you respected her and stopped when you noticed she didn't like that
You didn't do anything wrong, but if you feel guilty about that, wouldn't it be better if you try to talk to her?
Just so you don't stay in the blurr, and maybe still keep a go...... 1 reply
Maybe you should try to talk to her or not. Maybe she realized she's into girls but not sexually and couldn't presume it? Dunno, but if your dwelling on it and need closure I think you should talk about it. Cause at the end of the day she said she didn't want to get broken up with without and answer as to why so she should extend the same courtesy ...... 1 reply
It is what it is, sigh~ just don't be too fast next time and make sure yall on the same page, communication is key.
Also I am single and would love some marshmallows *wink* *wink* 1 reply
Alright I am an overthinker myself and I understand that you are trying to figure out what or where it could have gone wrong. But sadly sometimes we don’t get this kind of closure. As for the sex: from what you describe it sounds like you handled the situation really well. You went with the flow and stopped when you weren’t sure about her being...... reply
