Not really did it, but I really want to.. I tried searching on how to die the easiest way. I just really want to end this pain. I dont know where's this pain coming from..
I tried to kill myself. People say stupid things like how it’s a cowardly act, etc. What they don’t understand is that it’s the result of being in so much pain without any imaginable way out that it genuinely feels like the only option left is death.
But here’s something you might not know— your brain is having a chemical reaction to painful circumstances. The thought of death as an option is because your brain has too many of a specific type of chemicals. Those specific chemicals are behind feelings of despair. These chemicals aren’t ever meant to build up this badly, they’re meant to make you want to sleep and rest after a trauma but once you’re all healed other chemicals are supposed to kick in to lift your spirits and get you back on your feet.
But sometimes a neural pathway is broken and a brain creates too much of that “rest” chemical, creating extreme feelings of being down. Or sometimes the pathways where the positive chemicals travel are broken so they never kick in.
And sometimes life is actually so traumatizing that you experience one hurt after another and your brain just keeps trying to “heal” you by flooding you with these depressant chemicals.
Whatever the reason, you feel this way because of chemicals that are making you feel that things are hopeless. Whatever problem you’re having is actually solvable or at least bearable but with all these chemicals hitting you in response to your pain, it’s virtually impossible to see. Do you understand?
The first step then is to try to counteract the depressant chemicals. It’s the only way for you to feel better. There are a few ways to do this. Now while you’re full of these chemicals even good solutions may feel hopeless or stupid. These chemicals are meant to make you not want to be active so that you’ll rest, remember? Which makes it hard to do the things you have to do to feel better. It’s a repeating cycle and it takes strength to break it. Strength and help.
Step 1: tell someone. You’ve already done that but now you have to tell someone there with you. Honestly I’m proud of you because I said nothing when I was suicidal and 20 years later I’m still happy to be alive. Is there someone there who you can talk to? Talking may feel stupid like it won’t help but remember, the excess chemicals will make everything seem useless.
Step 2: if at all possible,face the source of your pain. Most things like this come from having great pain that you aren’t fixing. Is it a person? Can you avoid them? Is it a bully? Tell someone. Report them. Are you being abused? Find someone else to tell. Is it physical, are you sick? Find a doctor. No health insurance? Google free clinic + your zip code.
Right now focus on doing those two things in that order. Imagine if you had covid, you would seek help, right? Well please believe me, when a human is thinking about suicide, it means that something is out of balance that requires help. Sometimes this can be solved with non-medicinal changes, sometimes it requires meds temporarily, sometimes it’s like type 1 diabetes where your body will never make enough good chemicals so you will need to take meds, but the only way to know which of these matches you is to get help.
I’m genuinely happy that I didn’t succeed. My life isn’t perfect today but when I look back it feels like I’m looking at a different person. Today, I can’t believe things were ever so bad that I would think like that. Do you understand? I had to get help. Turns out I have a broken neural pathway so I get too much of chemicals in general, but once we found out the right med I’ve been okay. I also have therapy with someone who helps me work through difficult problems and helps me see possibilities I’m starting to feel hopeless.
I hope you’ve read all of this. I’m right here and I’m not just saying that it will get better, and I’m not blaming you. I’m saying that your brain is basically being controlled by something that is making you feel bad and think bad thoughts and I want to help you fight it. Because these bad chemicals and whatever is causing them - a toxic relationship, an illness, whatever - are blocking you from happiness and making you feel hopeless.
Please do step 1 and 2 immediately. When you read this please go to a person you can trust and tell them you need help, and if they won’t listen - people can be stupid or ignorant - then you find someone else who will.
I’ll be here for more questions. Let me know if you want to talk.
Your life is valuable and important. Please don't end it. If you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me or contact this number:1-800-273-8255. It'll let you talk to a confidential counselor about anything you want to talk about.
You can't stay like this, you must talk to someone. It can be people close to you or professionals. Is there a phone number you can call to tamk about this problem in your country?
Messages
I tried to kill myself. People say stupid things like how it’s a cowardly act, etc. What they don’t understand is that it’s the result of being in so much pain without any imaginable way out that it genuinely feels like the only option left is death.
But here’s something you might not know— your brain is having a chemical reaction to painful circumstances. The thought of death as an option is because your brain has too many of a specific type of chemicals. Those specific chemicals are behind feelings of despair. These chemicals aren’t ever meant to build up this badly, they’re meant to make you want to sleep and rest after a trauma but once you’re all healed other chemicals are supposed to kick in to lift your spirits and get you back on your feet.
But sometimes a neural pathway is broken and a brain creates too much of that “rest” chemical, creating extreme feelings of being down. Or sometimes the pathways where the positive chemicals travel are broken so they never kick in.
And sometimes life is actually so traumatizing that you experience one hurt after another and your brain just keeps trying to “heal” you by flooding you with these depressant chemicals.
Whatever the reason, you feel this way because of chemicals that are making you feel that things are hopeless. Whatever problem you’re having is actually solvable or at least bearable but with all these chemicals hitting you in response to your pain, it’s virtually impossible to see. Do you understand?
The first step then is to try to counteract the depressant chemicals. It’s the only way for you to feel better. There are a few ways to do this. Now while you’re full of these chemicals even good solutions may feel hopeless or stupid. These chemicals are meant to make you not want to be active so that you’ll rest, remember? Which makes it hard to do the things you have to do to feel better. It’s a repeating cycle and it takes strength to break it. Strength and help.
Step 1: tell someone. You’ve already done that but now you have to tell someone there with you. Honestly I’m proud of you because I said nothing when I was suicidal and 20 years later I’m still happy to be alive. Is there someone there who you can talk to? Talking may feel stupid like it won’t help but remember, the excess chemicals will make everything seem useless.
Step 2: if at all possible,face the source of your pain. Most things like this come from having great pain that you aren’t fixing. Is it a person? Can you avoid them? Is it a bully? Tell someone. Report them. Are you being abused? Find someone else to tell. Is it physical, are you sick? Find a doctor. No health insurance? Google free clinic + your zip code.
Right now focus on doing those two things in that order. Imagine if you had covid, you would seek help, right? Well please believe me, when a human is thinking about suicide, it means that something is out of balance that requires help. Sometimes this can be solved with non-medicinal changes, sometimes it requires meds temporarily, sometimes it’s like type 1 diabetes where your body will never make enough good chemicals so you will need to take meds, but the only way to know which of these matches you is to get help.
I’m genuinely happy that I didn’t succeed. My life isn’t perfect today but when I look back it feels like I’m looking at a different person. Today, I can’t believe things were ever so bad that I would think like that. Do you understand? I had to get help. Turns out I have a broken neural pathway so I get too much of chemicals in general, but once we found out the right med I’ve been okay. I also have therapy with someone who helps me work through difficult problems and helps me see possibilities I’m starting to feel hopeless.
I hope you’ve read all of this. I’m right here and I’m not just saying that it will get better, and I’m not blaming you. I’m saying that your brain is basically being controlled by something that is making you feel bad and think bad thoughts and I want to help you fight it. Because these bad chemicals and whatever is causing them - a toxic relationship, an illness, whatever - are blocking you from happiness and making you feel hopeless.
Please do step 1 and 2 immediately. When you read this please go to a person you can trust and tell them you need help, and if they won’t listen - people can be stupid or ignorant - then you find someone else who will.
I’ll be here for more questions. Let me know if you want to talk.
Your life is valuable and important. Please don't end it. If you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me or contact this number:1-800-273-8255. It'll let you talk to a confidential counselor about anything you want to talk about.
I hope you live a wonderful life.
You can't stay like this, you must talk to someone. It can be people close to you or professionals. Is there a phone number you can call to tamk about this problem in your country?