sorry, mini rant + i just wanna know if anyone else feels this way, but…
i care very much about body count. it physically hurts when i think about the people he’s been with before, the lips he’s kissed, the bodies he’s touched… i’m perfectly fine before then, but when i’m reminded of it my heart starts hurting SO BAD it’s hard to describe, and this feeling rises in my chest like i’m about to vomit
i know this probably stems from insecurity, i know it does but i can’t help it, i hate that i think like this but i, cannot. help. it.
you see, i’m a virgin, and i wanna save it for someone i think will be worth it. i won’t lie and say there haven’t been times where ive been tempted to just have sex and lose it to get it over with, but i knew those were just impulsive thoughts and id ultimately regret it.
ik that just because i wanna save myself doesn’t mean my partner needs to either. you don’t really have the choice to be picky in this sector. everyone has bodies these days. but its more like it literally hurts my soul thinking i saved myself for someone who doesn’t care about who they slept with, when for me it’s a big deal.
i don’t know what’s wrong with me, but it hurts
Messages
If their past matters so much to you , you can always just ask if they're a virgin or not before starting to date someone. Personally I think this kind of mindset is doomed to disappoint because there is always a chance of you breaking up with the person you lost your virginity to.
see, i am gonna tell u smth as an adult and not virgin, i hope u dont get offended.
see there is this common misconception about ""the one"", u have to know this is real life and not a romance manga, there will never be ""the one"" u wont know anything until u try out. u could madly be in love with someone but 2 years later the feeling just fades away or yall have clash on opinions, the universe wont ring bells and drop petals when u meet someone indicating omg yeah they are the one.
with body counts, its the same thing, u wont ever know ""yep this is the person"". u are gonna fall in love, have sex, and breakup eventually. and then this process repeats, so does your body count increase. having a body count doesnt mean u are a slut/whore, its a misconception created by social media.
and yes i know it might feel painfull being aware of the thought your lover slept with someone else at some point of time, but remember, atleast for now they are with u
If someday you end up with someone you think is worth it and you guys end up having sex and at the end it just doesn't work out(hope it does but let's just assume)you will also have a body count added to your list. Now if this happens a few more times it's just gonna add up the body count. I guess it really doesn't matter as long as it's not a concerning number and anything above 10 is concerning..well for me atleast. But you are not wrong for having such thoughts but what if the guy also thought everytime that the person was worth it but it just didn't workout. Well I still do think the no seal no deal idea is great to certain points.