Tips on managing on being too emotional?

Okay uh I rlly want to be more better as a person, I want to like manage my emotions more and I'm genuinely unaware sometimes when I'm being too much... Like I'm really dramatic and I'm suddenly so guilty out of nowhere that it's VERY concerning. My depression is toxic. It's not that I want people to take care of me or like can it be me-me-me please, I don't want that and frankly I'm not too fond of pity or whatever towards me. What I wanted was validations of what I feel, even though sometimes it isn't really right. I tend to victimise myself alot and antoganise other people way too much when I'm venting about them hurting my feelings that I tend to forget that it's also about what they felt towards me and why would they do that.

I don't rlly wanna be obvious since the ppl I want to improve for are in this site too and probably read the forums, let's just say... Even I get it why they would say "attempt harder" because I basically shattered their trust completely. Probably made them ashamed and I get it yk. Sometimes I even rant abt them hoping sometimes they'd go argue with me and tell me to shut up and tell their pov because I want to understand them more.

I want to take accountability, responsibility and not just a "sorry" because a sorry without change is manipulation. I want to really change myself, I just don't rlly know how I can control how I feel, how can I feel less hatred towards myself just cus I did something wrong. It's all new for me bec my past relationships were like giving me punishments for doing something wrong to them.

It makes genuinely feel bad cus im here reminiscing old stuff and they did care, they did and cus of my own emotions I ruined everything. I was too selfish. I can't genuinely let go when they were like family and are literally core memories for me in living life, I think if I never met them I wouldn't have known I was capable of being friends with people again.