I reconnected with a online friend only to find out they died.

I dont know if this is the appropriate place but since a mutial friend had alresdy vented here i might aswell too. I found out that a year later the friend, lets go by his initials N. Has passed away of suicide. We last talked in January, 2024. He asked how i was and i was suprised he still remembered me even after years. We talked casually and catch up and it made me sob looking at those convos and i hated it so much I deleted my main account cause we interacted alot in there and i cried each time i saw our convos. I found out from his BF messaging me back in december telling me he had died. It was such a fucking suprise cause he was so sweet. His bf gave me his note for me and it wished me well for college. Alot of sweet things and now i regret not being there for him, his bf told me not blame ourselves for not being there or for whatever actions was made that could result to it. That it was "simply his time". I dont know how to let this grief go and im sorry that im talking about this here.