SEME APOCALYPSE WARNING

Attention to all my ukes: we have just received confirmation via radio broadcast that the Seme Apocalypse is upon us. Reports indicate that a vast majority of the world’s semes have been infected with the highly contagious Grape Virus.

To spread awareness and how to protect yourself, follow these emergency precautions:

Carry your yaoi paddle at all times. It is your first line of defense.

Glue your butts together. This is not a joke. We repeat. GLUE. YOUR. BUTTS. TOGETHER. The virus targets exposed holes.

Avoid dark alleys, locker rooms, and anywhere with suspicious lighting. That’s prime seme territory. If you encounter them DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THEM.. THEY WILL GROWL.

Travel in packs of three or more ukes. You all must reach the Emergency safehouses that are being set up by retired reversible switches and wise old fujoshis. Listen for the signal: a distant whisper of “kyaa~”

We are working tirelessly to find a cure.. But Until then: stay safe, stay glued, and may the uke gods protect your sacred walls.