Help me please

I don’t know what’s wrong with me either, sometimes I would just hear sad music and cry, I’m demisexual but in vietnam there is only 1 word for gender, sex. In my country, if I translate than homosexuality would be regarded as the 3rd gender (help me pls, this country is sick), it’s not a good country as everyone think, if you understand the language you would know what happening, the just like to say wild things without knowledgem, I saw a video where a bunch of kids self diagnose themselves as ocd because they like to rearrange thing, even “professional” website do that
My dad passed away when I was 7 years old, our life is very tough, when I was just 4-7 years old many relatives always ask me what girl I like and it makes me very uncomfortable, it was a joke but they need to stop doing that, when I was in 3rd grade it was too much for me, my classmates would always say weird things about dating and I was just so uncomfortable and I said I don’t like girls, they considered me gay because I don’t like girls, and I thought I have to like a girl if I was gay WHICH IS NOT TRUE SINCE GAY IS NOT THE SAME WITH TRANSGENDER, I don’t know what happened but sexism online and reality is just too much, people online attacking women, people in real life attacking men, when I was in 6th grade I would act cringy to blend in but I realized they are just moody and I can’t do that, and I got so much in the English online community which was toxic but helpful for me and I realized everything around me was so fake. In 7th grade I know that people around me are fake after I know everything about gender and sexuality, I was uncomfortable with my skinny body, my mom always say “why can’t you just blend in”, I skipped some of the class and I can’t go there because I can’t suffer people looking at me. I stayed at home and go online to talk, I got into many online fights and then I realized the internet everywhere was toxic, I can’t share my opinion when I think that Justin Bieber is overrated. I’m know in the final semester of 7th grade, no where to belong, fakeass relatives and homophobic ass family, I cut myself for 12 times when I was in 6th grade and I have to wear jacket during 6th grade because I don’t know why people won’t accept me