thinking- tell me your thoughts

Lowkey this place be my blog space sometimes~
but I was thinking the other day about the word performative how its being thrown around a lot and it kinda sounds like a negative word referring to people (mainly male manipulator matcha boys) who like to outwardly express themselves with aesthetics and stuff now excluding the matcha manipulators- being called "performative" is exactly what it looks like, performing, whether it's for other people or even for yourself. You're showing the way you want to be seen. You're putting out what you want to be like. And whether that’s “real” or not—how could it be fake if you’re the one doing it? You’re showing the version of you that you want people to see. You’re basically saying, “Hey, this is how I want to be, this is me.” And whether that version sticks or changes over time—that’s up to you but I absolutely hate how its become a bad thing to want to preform. I want to be a fairy princess like I want to be magical. Why does that have to be embarrassing or fake? just for wanting to be that way? and still even knowing all that I catch myself thinking even for a split second, wait, is this too performative? am I being fake? just for even wanting too be that way its messing with my perception of myself why am I questioning how I express myself?

if anyone wants to add any thoughts go ahead~