loose hole

I always wished that I had a loose hole so it would so soooo easy for my constipated ass to poop like constipation is no joke it actually hurts my asshole so bad I cry on the toilet while pushing out a baseball bat sized shit out of my butthole the amount of time I had to put ointment on my ass is more than millions becus my sensitive asshole tends to bleed just for pushing out some shit out my ass someone loosen me up pls