Am i selfish or just stupid fkr

So like everytime i argued with someone I literally want to die so suddenly like car crash, murder, or some shit. Or just everytime they cancelled last minute on our plan i would always think that i should die so suddenly so they could feel guilty that we could literally have our last minute if they just show up, or spend their time with me instead arguing.idk i feel like they should feel guilty or sad that they could literally just say yes to my long plan we all agreed on.

Wdy think im experiencing?