Hey, what do I do now if...

My gf recently broke up with me because we had a small conflict and I she broke all contact with me after a day of thinking about it deeply. I love her so much to the point that I made an alt to check up on her to see if she ever thought about me while she scrolls through her fyp I can't sit still and I'm scared I'll lose her forever. She didn't even ask if I was really sad when I was with her... She didn't want me to know more about her real self and that's what makes me in physical pain. I want to reach on to her to resolve this small misunderstanding because she kept hurting herself by saying she wasn't enough for me and she didn't show me how much she loved me that I was always sad with her but no.. I was the happiest girl alive because I finally felt seen by someone and cared by someone who loves me for who I am. Why can't she see how much I was happy with her just after a short conflict? I don't know what to do anymore... I tried to ask her friends how she's doing but I feel like I'm a bother since I kept sending long msg to them like they'll ever even listen to me... I don't know how else to reach her rather than me waiting patiently for her to come back and check all my replies to her break up letter. I don't want her to think that she's a loser who couldn't give me the love I deserve because I truly did feel her love... I feel so sick because she won't even check my msg idk if she even sees all of them since I was blocked on the app shes always active on and my msg did send on the other apps but I think she restricted me...

Its never really a waste of time to wait for her idk why she said she's sorry for wasting my time being with her when I would give her all my time just to be with her... But idk anymore I feel so sick and my chest hurts so much idk who else to run to because she won't answer any of my questions... I want to know more about her even if she doesn't like being known this much...

┗( T﹏T )┛

Am I truly pathetic to still wait for her to change her mind even though she always told me to stop waiting for her because she won't ever change this decision? If not how do I get her out of my mind and focus on myself when I feel so incomplete without her? I feel so weak and helpless idk anymore