so I think I need help or advice or something.

so I've never been able to tell anyone this, so you guys are the first to know. all my life I was raised by my dad, Ive had a couple stepmoms but they didn't last long. looking back I realized my dad was not a good person. when I was a kid, like in elementary school. there was this time we were staying with my grandmother, and at night my dad would be behind me rubbing his dick on my back. then I got my first step mom, still in elementary. one night I was going I was going to be early since was grounded, but my dad ended up coming in the room. I had thought it was just him to come lecture me again on what I did bad. I don't exactly remember what happened that led up to this point but I remember he went down on me. also remember the one thing he said "I know you felt good because your leg was shaking." after that he told me if I ever wanted him to do that again just asked, but make sure my stepmom isn't home.
then when I was like in middle school, 7th grade, I remember there were times when he used to ask me questions like "if I wasn't your dad and we went to school together would you date me." or this time when he asked to take a shower with me and I said no. he started crying saying I was growing up so fast and he just wants to go back to the times when I was still a younger child. I ended up giving in and letting him bc I didn't want him to continue crying. there were times he bought these porn DVD and wanted to watch them together, and told me if I ever wanted to watch a specific porn he'd buy it for me.
when I got into highschool he stop being all touchy but he started making comments bout my body. like how my breast were so small for my age. I never liked dressing up and always wore baggy clothes or dressed similar to a boy, but always got in trouble. dad always said I need to dress more like a lady, wear heels, get my nails done, wear makeup, wigs. I never did in the end but that always made him mad.

My dad is currently dead, he passed away a year ago, but these memories keep popping up and I just wanted to tell someone or rant, probably ask for some advice.