what would you do?

(TW: su!cidal thoughts) I realized recently I feel so much shame being perceived by others. I'll meet with an old friend and the entire next month I'm completely crushed by shame that they saw me. It's not just because of my lack of achievement, being seen at all humiliates me. I can't imagine living without this shame, it's been growing for as long as I can remember and trying to get rid of it feels impossible and dangerous to myself. I'm stuck now trying to figure out whether to accept the loneliness I feel all the time and try to live completely by myself or to keep meeting with people even though every time nearly kills me. This question's been on my mind for months and I haven't been able to do anything because of it. What would you do next if you had my mind? (yes, I'm seeing a therapist)