Begging on my knees for help finding this BL's title

Looking for a newer yaoi with a suicidal or depressed Top. He gets in a relationship with the Bottom and during the relationship he makes up these rules or scenarios in his head like ‘if the Bottom rejects me I’ll kill myself’ or ‘if he doesn’t show up for this date I'll kill myself.’ The Bottom never knows until near the end of the comic when the Top finally tells him all the moments where he almost decided to die but the Bottom kept going against what the Top thought he'd do so he kept living on and getting more mentally stable as time passed. The Bottom is like crying and sad/horrified realizing the Top had been wagering his life on the Bottoms actions the whole time but it has a happy ending.

Please! I've been looking for this comic and Googling all types of things and I haven't been able to find it for like a month now..
Thank you in advance!!