Random life story cuz i hate my friends

I used to have a bf and let me tell you, the moment we got together. My heart glasses shattered in an instant, the first time I held hands and hugged him it felt so revolting for me I puked out of disgust when I got back home. Yes I'm not exaggerating I actually puked over simple hand holding and a hug I had a crush on him for like 2 years and when we got together my ass immediately fell out of love, he made me question my sexuality too. He wasnt even ugly he was one of the handsome quiet guy with glasses in school, in short he actually looks like Saiki K, YES he looks exactly and acts exactly like him. I think I just confused him with my fictional idolization for saiki and I eventually did tell him what I felt and broke up but lowkey looking back was funny as hell. Cause now I have a gf and I never felt that way towards her at all, I hold her hand everyday, infact when I confessed to her the first thing I did was hold her hands to make sure my feelings weren't fake too, ahhh I love my gf so much yall dont understand. Shes the only one in my mind everyday I actually go insane, whenever I read any lonerxpopular dynamic(im the loner) it just reminds me of me and her. Aghh I wanna roll her up and.. oh yeah also my ex bf gay now too, so it was for the better we broke up, we're still friends and talk to eachother from time to time