Sorry, guys! During system maintenance, some functions like comment are unavailable.
....
This is something i planned to take to my grave honestly. But i am writing it here anyway because why not, right? I was touched by my older brother for years. Groping touching fondling everything except penetration. I was 8-10 years old i believe. It stopped when he went abroad. I did not remember any of this at all. A year before, my brother texted me apologizing for abusing me, saying he felt guilty, and he was institutionalized in a mental facility with severe depression. I told him i didnt remember any of it, and he said, 'you were just a kid and way too naive, your mind probably blocked it out' And we have never talked about it since. But since then, randomly, i get pieces of memories of it all. And the worst part is, i used to giggle. I did not know this was bad- my mother never had the bad touch talk with me either. Maybe i liked the attention. But now i the more i recall, the more filthy i feel. I feel like a whore somehow. Every friend i ever had ended up falling in love with me, maybe i manipulate people into liking myself? Is there a way to just...stop ? I dont knoe what im asking but, like, is there a way you can just stop thinking, stop feeling, stop hurting- just stop?
COCSA is way more common than people realize, and if you’re a victim, you are absolutely not alone. Im a victim of it unfortunately, but I’ve never believed it was my fault because children cannot fully understand, process, or consent to those situations, its hurtful to think about it, at the time I saw nothing wrong with the situation. Just re...... 1 reply
I wanna give you the biggest hug rn. Your brother's apology and supposed "guilt" pisses me off cause it changes nothing. As hard as it is, please remember none of this is your fault. You must be an amazing person for people around you to fall in love. Hang in there. Accepting and moving forward after trauma is always hard. You could consider therap...... reply
Sadly that feeling never left me, I wish I could give a good advice about this situation but it's just such a difficult situation. Our situation are pretty different as all the people who sa'd me as a child weren't family members so I cant imagine the horror and fear you're feeling right now but I do relate to the feeling of disgust with yourself, ...... reply
As someone who got touched by his older bro as well, honestly there's no way to erase it, tbh, you can't forget about it, but you can't let it get past you either, treat it like this, what happened is in the past, you went through all these years doing well, knowing about it shouldn't change or make you pause life, as much as it is a shitty situati...... 1 reply
These people blame literally anybody but themselves for the abuse they put others through. YOU SHOULD NOT BE BLAMING YOURSELF FOR OTHERS ACTIONS. Even if you were giggling and smiling I wasn’t you enjoying yourself but rather a coping mechanism created to protect your sanity. The fact that you don’t remember it is more likely an indication of h...... reply
I'm sorry, this sounds really rough for you, especially since your brother spawned these memories on you like there wouldn't be consequences for the victim if troubling memories come back. If money isn't a problem, then I would suggest therapy, especially therapy that specializes in dissociation and PTSD, and it could help you to manage your feelin...... reply
Your brother isn’t apologising at all.
I hope I can hug you. And unfortunately, as victims we would always remember what happened to us. We can’t stop thinking about what happened, what we felt, what hurt us. Time will not erase it.
I just want you to remember none of this is your fault. reply
