Back then I used to think that was love, but now? No it wasn't love, I just over romanticized it. Lol, looking back at it now made me realize that, how did I not see that? He was my first love, the first guy I've introduced to my parents, he's courting me that time.
We started off as great friends, honestly I know him very well, he's nerdy about games and stuff, that's what I love about him, he's cute. Back then he was not that good with academics, even tho we're not classmates I used to cheer him up, and make bets that if he passed the test I would treat him. It went well lol, he finally got in the top 10. (I used to like him like, I used to admire him when we were 8th graders, I don't know his name back then lol)
I thought he was just being friendly cuz that's normal for him, but I know when guys do that, he starts liking me, tbh I was reluctant because I don't want to enter a relationship with someone who used to date a girl like that girl was from online, they were dating for almost a year then that girl cheated. So like, we started talking more and more, then he confessed and I accepted it.
He showered me with love, care and everything. It feels so good having someone like him, then one day. Like, wasn't even a month bro. It was weeks he started acting differently, he stopped watching the tiktok vids I sent him, of course I noticed the small things. He left me delivered for hours, then said "sorry, I was watching one piece" I understand his personal time but is it too hard to say "I'm going to watch" or "I'm watching something" does updating hard now??? No it wasn't that hard.
There was a time when I was bored so I stalked his social, I found him still following his ex, Gabbie, gabbie used to be his everything. It hurts me till now, honestly who would be fond of that girl? She looks so cute and innocent, and yk, I was crying every night because of that jealousy, I was hinting, I was trying to say to him things that I'm jealous, he did reassure me. But I found his playlist in Spotify with a letter "G" on it, it was gabs with a pic. I told him about it, he got angry. I tried to understand him, I wasn't, then the chat became dry, I was the one who's tryna hold everything up.
- then, he told me he's gonna stop courting me. I agreed, it's his decision and even tho I don't want to end things, I can't just trap him? Lol, he told me he was burnout in acads, family, and he doesn't want his reputation ruined, I was confused about that. I asked him if he loved his ex while talking to me, he said no.
- after that I was heartbroken for months, but I learned to let go, we became friends since we ended in good terms, he found a new girl in a month btw.
- I realized it way too late, that love bomb me. I was just gaslighting myself at that time, I know he's not that type of person that would do that, but he did it, he wasn't aware that it was love bombing, honestly it. I'm glad that the white rabbit got us, because if not, I would still be suffering, and stay by your side.
We used to throw around the words "I love you" as if we didn't know their weight. But after him, I learned not to say "I love you" unless I know, deep down, that I'm willing to carry the weight of those words.
- even after 7 months, I tried talking to someone again because I thought I was fully healed, but I wasn't. I ended up hurting that person without meaning too, so now I'm still suffering
(I'm hella starting to get sleepy and I might have some grammatical error, please don't be negative about my experience huhu)
My heart still ache when I see someone that has some resemblance with gabs
- oh yeah, I'm actually keeping a distance with him cuz I'm actually tryna avoid from reopening some wounds
Uhm also, I don't have feelings for him, but for some reason I kept thinking about that past, how it hurts me and haunted me till this day, also uhm my friends keeps pushing to him but I know I don't want a comeback
