What am I? And what am I looking for?

For so long I have humored the idea of a more-than-a-friend relationship but I never feel quite ready to start anything, and even if I did, I've never had a chance to experience it.

Whenever I meet someone new, often in a group gathering, I always act more extraverted in the hopes that they'll see something in me. And this is going to sound scummy but in the case that someone does actually end up liking me I think I would turn them down.

Among new and old friends, I've experienced crushes, or something similar. I think about going on dates, cuddling. But feelings fade within a week of hanging around them and what I initially felt never comes back. I should add my friends are great people, they've done nothing to "turn me off"...? Put me off?

I'm more certain than not that my feelings are just the effects of my "prolonged lonliness." Since in addition to having no game, I also don't have any particularly close friends—there's no one I know who I could comfortably lay my head on their lap, our interests are wildly different, etc.

Though I hate to put myself down and don't usually spiral like this I can't help but question these things. "Am I truly bi like I belive or just that lonely?" "Am I uninteresting?" "Do I have an issue?" "Will I ever find love?" "Is my desire abnormal?" "Desperate much?" "Am I being greedy?"

I'm not sure what else to say, I've got more on my mind but this seems like plenty so I will end it here.