My sister is concerned with how much yaoi I read

Today I was told by my sister that she's concerned for my media literacy because of how much yaoi I consume.

I told her about a random fact and said I learned it from a yaoi I read as a running joke (I did this a few times before and also it doesn't mean that all yaoi I read is smut) she replied that she's concerned with how much yaoi I consume and for my media literacy (or maybe my intelligence). She told me that I should try out more complex stories like Freiren or Attack on Titan or try reading a real book because my consumption of simple stories or yaoi might've rotted my brain, I did try Freiren with her but I couldn't find interest in it after 2 or 3 episodes and I joked about how I might not understand some parts in Attack on Titan.

She became concerned when I asked her or wanted to clarify the definition of a noun, she was very shocked and concerned when it happened. I don't know how my mind works to be honest, I know how to speak english properly, I know grammar most of the time, I literally grew up spesking english as a kid in a non english country and I don't know if I'm just straight up a low IQ person for forgetting the definition of a noun but still able to form sentences and know how grammar works.

She's an honor student, valedictorian and going for the scholarships so yes, she's much more academically inclined and smarter than me. And because of that she makes me feel like I'm not smart enough or I'm a dumbass, I'm really trying to change but it still feels like it's not enough at all. I'm already insecure with how dumb I am, my friend tells me I'm smarter than I think but what if that's not true? I hate feeling insecure whenever she solves word puzzles and those cryptic puzzles and shows me her progress. I have a feeling she wants me to try it out too but I don't know why it makes me wanna avoid it. Is it because smart things are supposed to be her thing I don't fucking know.

I don't want to make up excuses but I've been having a hard time with memory lately and having a crisis with my emotions or even feeling numb. Could it possibly be from long time suppression of my emotions? I remember deciding to bottle up my feelings and emotions as a kid so that my family wouldn't be burdened and they called me the obedient child It worked but I really started not caring or feeling numb years later. Was that why I couldn't remember what the definition of a noun was?

This sounds ridiculous but I love yaoi, sometimes when I feel numb or bored I just resort to reading manwha or manga, smut or fluff it just fills a hole in my complicated heart and preferences its just so fun. It's not an addiction where it interrupts my lifestyle or makes me unhealthy.. I just really love it and I can't help but love it. Now I feel like I should be embarrassed or ashamed for liking it.. She meant no harm and told me liking yaoi is fine but I don't know I just feel embarrassed.

And reading webtoon style feels more faster than watching/fully commit to a book and lately I don't feel like watching any series at the moment because I'm going through this whole thing of not knowing what's wrong with me when I should be the one that's normal and fine because I have it easier than everyone, intrusive thoughts disrupting my peace and my family being a mess, doing freelance, and trying to become a better sister.

So yes, I have no idea what's wrong with me and I appreciate my sister being honest with me out of concern but it felt like a kick to my unstable house made out of planks. I have like major issues like low self esteem and shit and I really don't know what's wrong with me but all I know I'm like this because of my family, I'm scared of change but I know it's important.. and no therapy isn't an option. So yeah I'm failing at everything at this point being human sucks.