am I the asshole?

okay, please for the love of GOD do not sugarcoat this please! I need to see if I am an asshole for this or not.

okay I was very good friends with this girl since year 8, we were very close and I was very comfortable with her. Fast forward to year 12, I noticed a slight shift in her, it wasnt noticeable but I felt it in the way she spoke to me and whatever, fast forward again, it's been months since we graduated, and I tried making plans with her, 3 different times and she left me on read on all of them.

So I left her alone, and I asked some mutuals on what I should do, and they all said I should just wait until the time is right, so naturally I waited until her bday was 2 weeks from then, and I messaged her. in the lines of

Happy birthday, I can’t believe youre now 19! We haven’t talked in ages, we drifted apart, but I wanted to congratulate you. I want to let you know that I don’t hate you, and im still around if you need a chat, I loved our friendship at school, and I cherish it deeply in my heart, our 5 years of friendship was something I wouldn’t trade for the world. Despite the drift after high school, Youre a good person and a good friend.

and she messaged me back after 4 days to meet up in the city (takes me nearly 2 hours cause I live far) I said okay and we meet up.

she basically was saying that she hated me because I used to complain a lot, was always just annoying to her and gave petty things that bothered me. Although I understood that and told her I actually learnt my lesson and made sure I won't do it again. I did tell her before the distancing, that; if I did smth, tell me, even if it's small, but she never did. She goes on the lines of 'youre still a good person, I don't hate you, youre great it's just youre not for me'

I complained cause year 12 made me depressed and I had sm things happen ion my life, which she knew, but I won't go into detail about that.

but I was upset cause she went and asked me to meet up with her, just to complain about me for 2 hours and had the audacity to say 'no shade'.

and say its more mature like this, adds no shade. Like girl, I thought we were gonna talk about it then forgive each other about it, and I asked, 'okay, and I want to mend things with you, thats why I came, if I didnt like you, I would never come to see you in the first place' and she said. 'I don't know, but I know I don't want to be close again, but I don't want to lose you' and she was just going around the bush and not giving me a proper answer.

and now im just very upset cause I don't know how to feel. so!