Am I crazy or am I just overthinking?

It's my birthday today however I don't feel the excitement. I have this thoughts that I won't live long anyways, that I'll die before even reaching 30, I don't know if I'm crazy or if something is wrong with me, (Am I the only one who thinks like this hahaha?) I have suicidal thoughts but I don't act on them lol, I'm not that mentally unstable but I won't call myself mentally stable either, anyways, just here to drop this here to anchor myself cause Fuck my friends forgot my birthdays when I always greet and remember theirs! I ain't saying that they "should" or "must" but that feeling of disappoinment and the feeling that I'm not important and special to them even in my supposed to be special day is just unavoidable and pathetically heartbreaking. I still like them but just when it's my special day or if I needed them they just "poof" disappears. Haaaaaaaaaaaa I wanna kms hahahahaha JK (I think?) idk if I'm crazy or overthinking things gsksgkerjdhekehekehjs. Imma just go read some Yaoi, anything to cope?