Saga P.S. (see thread)

I'm back...＼(^o^)／

Realizing i ended the saga without explaining basically our dramatic but also anticlimactic goodbye. A few weeks after he graduated, i officially said goodbye to him. We went out to eat lunch, just the two of us, and i was planning on telling him how i felt, just to get it out of the way. To my horror, his friend from his hometown was in the restaurant and, judging by the fact that he didn't introduce us or explain who i was/what we were doing (but he told me who she was) and the expression on her face as she said "omg I'm so sorry for interrupting," I'm pretty sure she thought we were on a date. Which, yes ig it did really look that way (and to her it probably looked like he paid, but i paid him back later on). Oh to know what she texted her home gc...(-)_(-)

Anyways, we talked a lot about the future, relationships, marriage...i know what this sounds like, ok. He kept bumping into me and lowk pushing me into the grass on our walk back (large empty sidewalk btw), which was kinda weird but i chalked it up to lack of special awareness. We stood outside my apartment and he got all nervous looking, saying "so...is this...?" and that's when i realized he thought this was the last time we'd see each other, but i was actually gonna be at his place later to watch Love Island with his roomies. After explaining that, visible relief. I said "see you later" and he repeated it, then i walked away and i could hear him say "g-goodbye" really softly. HUH?? I whipped around like wha and was like "uh yeah but I'm seeing you later?? I'll pay you back!" And he stuttered and said goodbye again, we went back and forth, and guys i just had to leave.

That night was fine, especially with other ppl. He did disappear towards the end, but he reappeared when i yelled i was leaving. He kind of stumbled to find the words but basically wished me the best for the next year, i said thanks, he accidentally said thanks back...we we're standing next to each other and staring at the floor. :/ We went back and forth with the goodbye again, and then he went to bed and i left. I couldn't tell him how i felt because based on how he was acting all day, i didn't think he could take it.

We still follow each other on socials and text occasionally. We have a "book club" (will it rlly stick?) and I'll see him for the last last time ever on homecoming. Maybe I'll finally find relief. But i feel him disappearing, slowly.

Looking for rebound crush (ToT)... leave an encouraging comment if you were entertained here :). See y'all in the next post...