I feel so desperate. I want to feel loved so bad. Like not online anymore just a real life "good job" or "nice work" would feel so nice. I know nothing I'm doing is enough for that but just any sort of support would feel nice. I want a friend so bad. I want just anything any sort of human connection. Like even not a friend but a nice boss or something. I'm so lonely I only really get any attention when i dream about it. I know i'm already asking too much of online friends wanting to talk to them every day I just wish I could see someone in real life. I feel like the worst most disgusting thing ever even though i know i'm not i just want to hug and cry and talk about nothing. it feels like every time i talk to my dadwhos the only connection i have rn irl all i'm doing is complaining i just wish i was more pleasant and had anything to talk about. i'm so behind. People around me are getting married and graduating grad school and traveling to new countries and i'm just here. I want so bad to be loved I hate what I do to fill that hole too. I feel like even my dads sick of me and doesnt want to hear my bullshit anymore. I wish i could restart I wish i could be sent back to when i was put behind everyone else socially in first grade and rebuild what was taken from me i feel like this is all one big domino effect from one bad teacher. It really really hurts to exist alone.
