Maybe traumatized from sexual harassment?

so been doing pretty bad mentally and a very old incident keeps popping up in my head. triggered me into yeeting now i am like what the fuck.

so basically when i was like 15 my dad would like grope and touch me in places when we were alone, make suggestive comments. it wasnt a one time thing it went on for sometime i dont remember when exactly this stopped.

i told my mom about it after like the first couple times ( i didnt realize what was happening exactly initially). she got really mad at my dad and there was so much fighting in the family. at that time i hated myself for telling my mom and felt like i shouldve taken everything quietly.

I remember the last time being him touching me in my sleep. (lol you know i was a heavy sleeper that made me so paranoid like how many times has he done this in my sleep and i had no idea).

so its not like ive been raped but you know this man. i dont hate him. he would do anything for me but like this, i cant comprehend why and how he would do this to his own daughter.

its been almost five years now and right now in college anytime anything goes wrong and i am not okay emotionally i will always remmeber this incident and want to hurt myself really badly (dont want to kill myself because i love you god and hell doesnt seem like the better option).

so idk what do you think about this. should i tell my counselor about this? but im not sure if this incident is really the root cause of my problem and maybe its not even that bad.

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