Pussy 20's question (3)

Next month, I'm going to take an exam for college. My family says that I have a really high chance of getting in, but that's not the point. If I do get in, my parents plan for me to reside in the school because the college has multiple dormitories. I'm really excited but the thing is, my older sister is already admitted to the school. She's a senior there and in addition to that, she was just recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety but she has been getting help and support from close family, including me, but despite all of this, my sister is exhaustingly not self aware, she does not know how to prioritise certain tasks, doesn't respect my personal space, and breaks down when someone raises their voice slightly at her, also goes into panic attacks because she procrastinates her school work and gets reminded of it constantly but doesn't do it. My parents and extended family want me to be in the same dorm as her, but I DON'T. I do understand that depression and anxiety are both hard things to tackle. But I want my sister to trust in herself and overcome it on her own. It almost feels like my parents want me to be in the same dorm as her to look after her because they have no trust in her at all. I do know it sounds selfish, but I think its going to be extremely draining for me to take care of her, and yes, I AM aware that she's family and I should go the extra mile. I don't even know anymore brah. Just tell me your honest opinion on what you think and maybe I'll consider everything.

Next month, I'm going to take an exam for college. My family says that I have a really high chance of getting in, but that's not the point. If I do get in, my parents plan for me to reside in the school because the college has multiple dormitories. I'm really excited but the thing is, my older sister is already admitted to the school. She's a senior there and in addition to that, she was just recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety but she has been getting help and support from close family, including me, but despite all of this, my sister is exhaustingly not self aware, she does not know how to prioritise certain tasks, doesn't respect my personal space, and breaks down when someone raises their voice slightly at her, also goes into panic attacks because she procrastinates her school work and gets reminded of it constantly but doesn't do it. My parents and extended family want me to be in the same dorm as her, but I DON'T. I do understand that depression and anxiety are both hard things to tackle. But I want my sister to trust in herself and overcome it on her own. It almost feels like my parents want me to be in the same dorm as her to look after her because they have no trust in her at all. I do know it sounds selfish, but I think its going to be extremely draining for me to take care of her, and yes, I AM aware that she's family and I should go the extra mile. I don't even know anymore brah. Just tell me your honest opinion on what you think and maybe I'll consider everything.

Mine would probably go along the lines of:
To everyone reading this, I'm sorry that I'm not really breathing. No, its not your fault or anyone else's. There is no one to blame. There is no need to figure out why I've done it, where you've gone wrong, or what could've possibly pushed me to do it. It's not that I was lured by the devil to take my own life, its not because I didn't enjoy or was satisfied with the moments I had here. Even though I was hurt, there were still good things; the memories I made with people, the delicious food I ate, and the music that I've happily listened to everyday. I think, that's what life is about, realising things. Obviously, you can't really know exactly what happens in the world. Let alone to people close to you. I just also think that I'm a terrible person. That's enough for me to fully decide to remove myself from the lives of others. I don't want people to worry, I don't want to become a lesson, I don't want people to not move on from me. I mean that's one of the reasons why, I took my own life because I know the depth of my actions. I know that not everyone is perfect. But my brain thinks otherwise; that I'm the worst person to ever live, I need to kill myself to make you happy or feel at ease. I hope you know that I did it thinking about what I could've been, an alternate, per se. I'm sorry. I'd rather be forgotten than forgiven.