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I need you guys' opinion
Next month, I'm going to take an exam for college. My family says that I have a really high chance of getting in, but that's not the point. If I do get in, my parents plan for me to reside in the school because the college has multiple dormitories. I'm really excited but the thing is, my older sister is already admitted to the school. She's a senior there and in addition to that, she was just recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety but she has been getting help and support from close family, including me, but despite all of this, my sister is exhaustingly not self aware, she does not know how to prioritise certain tasks, doesn't respect my personal space, and breaks down when someone raises their voice slightly at her, also goes into panic attacks because she procrastinates her school work and gets reminded of it constantly but doesn't do it. My parents and extended family want me to be in the same dorm as her, but I DON'T. I do understand that depression and anxiety are both hard things to tackle. But I want my sister to trust in herself and overcome it on her own. It almost feels like my parents want me to be in the same dorm as her to look after her because they have no trust in her at all. I do know it sounds selfish, but I think its going to be extremely draining for me to take care of her, and yes, I AM aware that she's family and I should go the extra mile. I don't even know anymore brah. Just tell me your honest opinion on what you think and maybe I'll consider everything.
No you should live alone, people with mental health problems CANNOT depend on someone way too long. It won't make them get better, your sister also has to learn to be independent and deal with their own emotions. It's not selfish to not want to be your sister's personal therapist. You are NOT responsible, she has enough support and that's enough. Y...... reply
People are really harsh here toward the sister. I know the OP is having it hard, and she definitely has to talk to her family and sort it out because the sister will drain her mentally, but just remember depression is a disability; she can't just "trust herself" and "overcome it. " I don't know if she takes any medication for it, but she should. Ov...... 1 reply
Please prioritize yourself!!! You already said it's very draining to take care of her, so that combined with all the responsibilities college will throw your way---there'll be a lot on your plate. I know this feel selfish, but college is where you figure yourself out and build your own future. So please choose the option that is best for you and yo...... reply
As someone who is in a similar situation as your sister I think its fair that you don’t want to be her roommate. Taking care of someone with depression is very mentally draining and not something youd want to do in your first years of college where you learn to be independent and get to know yourself away from family. Still depression isn’t re...... reply
Honestly I think you shouldn't dorm with her since peoples emotions can latch onto another one and that can genuinely be draining asf and you might turn depressed too especially if she's not trying to get better at all. But Idk maybe you can try it out maybe its not as bad as it may seem since you're both siblings anyway its better than living with...... 1 reply
Since you said it will be very draining then yes don't dorm with her, it's an appropriate boundary to have if you can't manage your wellbeing being close to her. But i do think some level of consistent support or help is important. Idk about the specifics or severity here. She got the diagnosis recently and you have mentioned she gets plenty of sup...... reply
I'm in a very similar situation to your sister. I have a big sister. My parents also told me to be in one campus and one dorm as my big sis, but I refused. Because I believed I could solve my depression on my own and take care of myself.
Lo and behold, a few years passed and my depression got worse. I have never once in my life complained or depen...... reply
Don't live in the same dorm with her. Helping her occasionally is okay, but you're not her therapist. Try convince your family more, if they keep insisting then at least set a bottom line like "not in the same dorm, but close" or "if she keeps bothering me all the time I'll move out on my own", or any other reason you can think of. Just make sure y...... reply
You are not being selfish; you are being perceptive in a situation where emotions are doing most of the decision-making. It’s possible to care deeply for your sister while also recognizing that you cannot be her constant source of stability. Depression and anxiety require support, yes, but not at the cost of another person’s well-being. Being p...... reply
