pearlywaters's question page 2 (38)

say...if you wanted your sister to help you wax your legs (assuming you are THAT close with your sister) but you had some scars on your legs, would you still ask your sister to wax it? do you think she would judge you for it even if she knows you did it before? do you think she would assume that you are still doing that thing? should i just go for it and not care whether she tells my parents about the scars or judges it a bit?

uh so TW//MENTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS

i've always noticed this and idk how to fix it but i try so hard to be the "not like other girls" stereotype and convince myself i'm okay and faking. i also have a harmful thoughts about mental illness and suicide which luckily, i'm not paying attention to very often. i basically try so hard to mask myself as an uwu depressed girl and i feel like i end up harming others in the process. i don't even know if my personality is real or not. most of my interests are similar to those who are "not like other girls". i actually convince myself i'm faking and just hate myself even more. when i was in 4th or 5th grade, i used to say things like "i hate myself" or "i'm so bad, i probably would become worse when i'm older" as a joke (but also truthful). i also had some weird thoughts about wanting sleeping forever when i was sad? is that my way of "coping"? i always knew to some extent when i was younger, that what i said was true.. i always thought people who said "joking is my way of coping" were kinda harmful (hahaha how funny i became one of the people who say that). i also question my gender sometimes because i hate my body so much (idk why i hate it so much i'm fine with being fat).

about my very insensitive thoughts about mental illness, uhh i'm really sorry but whenever i see those posts where they say stuff like "why don't you kill yourself if you're so depressed" part of me agrees and i wish i could just stop. i also pretend whatever my psychiatrist says isn't true and i'm just okay and i don't need to cooperate with anyone because in reality i am completely fine. whenever i get a suicidal or hopeless thoughts i end up thinking "uwu i'm so depressed :((" to mock myself. i also tell myself there's no reason for me to be this way (because there actually is no reason idk why i'm like this) my life is so good (i think?). i was spoiled a bit in my childhood so i'm confused as to how i ended up like this but i do acknowledge that i was definitely not okay before i acknowledged the fact that i am mentally ill. i also think that people who are mentally ill are selfish, weak and "crazy". this is only due to my mother's influence on me though so i probably wouldn't keep this mindset.

i'm sorry that i always use mangago as a venting platform, i see a lot of people here who are vocal about being mentally ill so i guess i'm kinda comfortable here. so how do i stop myself from being like this? also how do i find out the reason why i'm mentally ill? i'm sorry i keep referring it to "mentally ill" i don't mean to offend anyone. how do i stop myself from trying so hard to be like the "i'm not like other girls" girl?

For me, it's currently Nine from Beware of the Villainess. He's even cute in his wolf form and don't get me started on when he cries, he's just too adorable! ε=ε=(ノ≧∇≦)ノ

i need help with verification but we can also be friends on wechat if you want to

hey so ik i asked this question before but i've pretty much given up on trying to stay off my phone. its like taking my happiness away. my eyesight is getting worse though. how do i not give up? before when i was still trying to stay off my phone, i did found happiness in other things but it still faded away. how do i constantly enjoy things without using my phone? should i take a break from stuff like mangago? i feel stupid for asking this question but eh

I want to read the anarchist's cookbook but I heard you can get put on a watchlist. It's only because I'm curious though. Would you be in danger if you were put on a watchlist? What exactly would happen? I would google it but I think that would be suspicious.

my little brother is being groomed...what the fuck do I do, I realized by looking through his messages that we was getting groomed on discord and I went to look through his messages more and HE LITERALLY SENT HIS DICK PIC SAYING IT WAS SOMEONE ELSES I SAW HIS TROUSERS IN THE PIC PLEASE HELP IM FREAKING OUT WHAT DO I DO I WANT TO ACTUALLY. BURN MY EYES WHATS WORSE IS I HAD A DREAM THAT SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED TO MY LITTLE BROTHER AND IT WAS TRUE WHAT THE FUCK PLEASE HELP I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO HES ONLY 8 8 FOR FUCKS SAKE

We were in the car and there was an advert (not sure what to call it) for missing children on the bus station. I lost all respect for my mum when she didn't directly say, but she basically meant "it's the child's fault that they got kidnapped". My little brother happened to be playing dumb ways to die (yes, in 2020) and she made a reference how the kid getting lost and running off on their own is basically a dumb way to die...

I mean she already lost most of my respect when she told me about her racist beliefs and I wanna say sooo much things to her but I don't wanna cause more problems than there already are.

I'm not suicidal (I think) but I want to die. I sometimes search up ways to die and get absorbed into the topic. I also think that if my life turns really bad, I can commit suicide. My life's good right now and I'm happy reading yaoi. I don't think this is normal but I wish I could gather enough courage to die. Is it normal?

I'm just curious about why exactly people like shota. I still read it but I only read it when I want to make myself feel hella disgusted. what's so good about shota? ik kids are cute but why kids in a sexual situation? you can find cute kid mangas without there being anything sexual so what about shota do you specifically like?

ok so i kinda have this problem where if someone shows the slightest bit of appreciation for me, my heart goes badump and all that stuff yk. i sortaaa fell in love with my childhood bestfriend before (not really but i had fantasies about her). also there was this one bitch in my class, she seemed like a "quirky tiktok uwu" girl and she was lowkey rude and annoying. she noticed my self-esteem was quite low and i was an introvert so she tried to refute all the things i said about myself and told me to love myself. it was the first time i learned what an introvert was (ik i'm dumb), i thought something was wrong with me but it was just my mum and my sister making me insecure :) anyways bam few days later i get a sexual dream about her and end up feeling incredibly guilty. i really miss her tho and i wish i got to know her better :( anyways back on topic my best friend sent me a text "oh..." after i said that i have to stay at home again and i psychoanalysed it even though there was nothing to psychoanalyse and in my mind i said " this. this, right here. i'm marrying this girl" i feel sorry for my best friend- another problem i sorta have is when i feel like people are showing me too much love i end up ghosting them because i feel like i don't deserve them but then i just further prove my point that i really don't deserve them.

yeah i'm going blind now and i was doing well keeping to only 3 hours but now i'm even more sad than i usually am. i played a game i downloaded recently to get rid of my sadness and became addicted. please help me, most of my happiness is from the phone but not even that can always keep me happy. other things won't work compared to my phone. i'm too tired to always go out to keep myself happy. the only positive thing is that at least i don't go on mangago 24/7 but now i go on something else 24/7.

i really need help with verification, tell me which one you use and i'll send you the qr code. sorry i'm just really desperate lmao

ik you probably don't want your brain to rot but i've got nothing else to think about currently.
first of all, why was hayan kidnapped? like didn't mc's father literally sell mc to psycho seme so there technically would be no point to practice kidnapping hayan? am i just imagining that happened? idk i haven't re-read it in a long time.

secondly, is hayan trans or just a crossdresser? i'm sorta confused about this. i personally think she was trans because she says she wants to be a girl and she said she hated being a boy but others call her a trap or crossdresser (i don't really think it's nice to call her a trap).

finally, what's her relevance to the plot??? ik this should link to the first question but seriously what?? wasn't mc's struggles about being gay? is he actually bi then? would that explain how he fell for hayan before realising she was a man? isn't this supposed to be a shitty yaoi?? nothing makes sense?!? why am i obsessing over bad writing??

i told my sister that i attempted because she could definitely tell my parents for me. i want to get help but right now you can guess what happened with my parents so i just need some love and courage rn

so yeah I got a call saying I could go back to school and I think they said they would do things a lot more differently because of social distancing and stuff. I'm not sure if I want to go though. despite school sucking, the work actually distracts me from my bad thoughts most of the time. that's kind of why I think it'll be good. I also have trouble paying attention at home so going back will probably help me focus. I'm usually lazy but when I have nothing good to do, I can become sorta hardworking. you may be asking "this seems good for you, why aren't you going?". wellll the problem is that I haven't went outside for a month and I don't want to go outside especially since I'm in a really bad place rn. I'm not sure if school can even help me in this moment and time. should I at least try going? what if I screw up something?

Today, I tried self harming and it didn't hurt or bleed sadly but then I realised what I was doing. Self harming is wrong and idk why I did that even though I know there's nothing wrong with me (I think). Now I am confused. My life isn't bad and I think I'm happy. I didn't have a hard time today (I think), I was just really nervous about a family gathering. What does this mean? I mean maybe it has the fact that I remember hating my cousins for a reason I forgot?? Anyways, am I just seeking attention or is there something wrong with me??? Am I just being stupid???

please kill meee what do i do?? what if he tells my parents?? yeah i'm definitely gonna die if he does. it took me months to get rid of my paranoid habit of deleting my history every day and being scared of showing my phone to anyone. ughh am i making a big deal about it? my little brother sort of understands what it is and he said it was disgusting. just give me the death penalty already. am i a bad sister??? i only lent him my phone since he was nagging me about using the laptop when i had to do schoolwork. just please end me.