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What's a fandom felt like a prison of your own making?

I never loved and regretted something at the same time like how I'm with SatoSugu. It's been 5 years, I'm still crying about them. Still the same lockscreen, literally what I see first in the morning is them being miserable, then I would feel miserable too. But there's this force that I can't change it. I see at least 1 edit about them every time I open social medias. I hate it here...

I'm sad both newtoki and booktoki got taken down, does any body know alternatives please?

╥﹏╥ ╮(￣▽￣)╭

i usually dont do this but im actually devastated and overwhelmed

my online partner of 10 years now may have possibly died and i dont know

they have a brain aneurysm that was rupturing when they texted me about being in the hospital

the mortality rate of it is so high

i never got to meet them irl
i never got to hug them, kiss them, touch them
i never got to tell them i love them face to face
i never got to go on a cheesy date, never be the annoying pda couple, never got to cuddle, never got to propose or get married

i just hope they are tuckered out and sleeping
i dont want to believe that theyre dead
i have no way of knowing too

i want to throw up
i don't want this to be real
i wanted to grow old with them, i wanted to do so many things with them

i dont know what i'll do without them
i've been living the past few years with the goal of seeing them
i think i'll go through with death if i cant see them
it's pointless now, no one will love and understand me as much as they do
i'll never experience this love... they were my soulmate...

im so stupid

It’s a little empty here rn so I might not find any rn but posting this anyways…

I’ll post it in reply’s