lmao not you writing an essay and going in circles but I 100% agree! the fact that he did go and tried things with other dudes didn't sit right with me.. even though they didn't explicitly clarify whether he actually had sex with them or not
i have been in a similar situation. It sucks and it hurt a lot. Man claimed to be in love with me, I told him I needed more time, then turned around and slept with a mutual friend of ours. I was really coming around on being with him - he was older and had kids and I was 21 and not ready for that kind of responsibility even though I liked him a lot. It took me six months to even be friends with him again. He still pursued me, but I felt like I could never trust him romantically again. It was like being cheated on. I just feel like if you are serious about someone and they haven’t outright said “it will never happen” it’s just scummy to sleep with someone else. Of course with me, I wound up only being his friend, even told him I wouldn’t date him but he still kept trying. Low and behold I fall in love with a different guy and start dating, original guy now won’t even talk to me, won’t even be my friend.
I’m sorry for you. Honestly, I have no such experiences and am not really that reliable when I say I understand you but emotionally I 100% agree. Even though, logically, we know in our brains that the other person has no legal obligations to not sleep with others and that it ‘technically’ should not be considered cheating, but I feel like they have an obligation to themselves and the love they claim to have, as I would have if it was me. If it’s already like this before you got together even though they said they loved you, can that love even be trusted when it seems so flimsy and light?
…is my unprofessional and inexperienced opinion. I mean, “do not do unto others what you do not want others to do to unto you” kinda hurts when it becomes “please rightly do not do unto me what I do not do unto you” and we find out that other people we have expectations for don’t necessarily think the same.
Ok so i get the whole “you love me but then you went on with others” kinda thing hurts…. But put yourself in the other person’s shoes. If the person u loved keeps telling you ur gonna get tired of me or you should sleep with others thats basically denying ur own feelings and that takes a toll everytime. So here they’re not in that “im courting you to go out with you” it was more of a fuck buddy vibe so they’re both in the wrong because this could have been avoided but the fact that u would get mad when u keep hurting the other person is really shitty and kinda toxic like ur trying to test their feelings to see how far u can push… idk
I dunno how to feel, really. The comments are going crazy, people blaming uke, blaming seme, absolving uke, absolving seme…
Well for me, it really was kind of a turn-off when we found out that seme really did go sleeping around when uke told him to and not for reasons like: ew, he was sleeping around with others while having confessed his love to uke. Though personally I really do think this kind of thing is not quite commendable - if you [still] love someone and yet you sleep with others just because you’re not in a relationship with them or they rejected you, it’s not your love interest that you’re betraying but you yourself and your feelings of love, it’s not that you’re disrespecting them but disrespecting yourself, and if you decide to let go of your love and sleep with others, af least have the decency to completely move on and not go back spouting things like “you’re the only one for me after all, teehee” but hey, this is just me, and this opinion of mine, I think if I use it here as an argument I’ll get majorly roasted. Heh, of course, I know. My brain says the others are right even though my heart disagrees: these two are not in a relationship and seme’s confession did get rejected (multiple times). He has the right to sleep with whomever he wants as he has no obligation to the uke to stay loyal, and even if he conveniently did not tell uke how he had been sleeping around, this is also within his rights of privacy.
I just feel super scammed on the uke’s behalf and on my behalf as a reader (was not expecting it to be this realistic, I thought the seme had ulterior motives and went to the club ‘cause he already had feelings for uke and he was super sincere and really dedicated, and so youthful going against the societal norms for love aww sike lol). I mean, I agree, it was no one’s fault - not the uke’s (he was insecure, conflicted and just kinda jaded?), and not the seme’s too (he was heartbroken and inexperienced). It’s just that, wasn’t the uke super conflicted over his feelings for the seme before? Then he said those things to seme and seme really did not go to see him for some time and so uke was missing him and he’s now really super duper even more conflicted. Then the seme just goes with an attack like “I don’t want to sleep with anyone else.” I mean, I’m pretty sure the uke assumed it meant the seme really did not go sleep with others just judging by how surprised and shocked he was to have found out otherwise, he must have thought: ‘I’m really the only one for him’ in the exclusive kind of sense (not the tested and proven kind), and concluded that the seme’s feelings for him were genuine and sincere (not that there are no other ways to prove sincerity, just in this one specific train of logic) and that gave him the courage to cross that line and get over his worries (I’m pretty sure not seeing each other for some time also helped, but yeah, you get it). Now, he learns that his assumptions were wrong. So the previous resolution of his own feelings that he found based on that assumption, I’m surprised he didn’t go the route of feeling it had been invalidated. Or he might have, just that he was caught in a trip for two with the cause of his problems and in the end he just kinda gave up agonizing over it and went with the flow? hahahahaha lol- no.
And to have found out in that kind of way at that kind of timing, wow, poor thing, but as I’ve said, seme also can’t be faulted, he was completely entitled to keep his previous escapades before their relationship a secret. Maybe it was really all just extremely distasteful bad luck.
Yeah sure, we could say that seme had tried one-night stands with others and that made him realize and confirm that his one-night stand with the uke was indeed special and he only had feelings for the uke. While this logic is legit and valid and is scientifically correct (trial and error and replication, right?), it is also kinda giving asshole… I mean, so for him to have his feelings confirmed in this way, did that mean that even though he was trying to corner uke saying he was serious and sincere while uke was contemplating the serious matter of being in a relationship with a student of a university department he was currently employed in (sure, he might not be a teacher, but still) while feeling extremely insecure thinking that seme might not really like him specifically as himself as opposed to liking him as the seme’s first taste of a man, seme wasn’t actually sure about himself too? or was it just the uke’s constant doubts that also made him doubt himself?
Really super conflicted about how to feel about this even just for the the reason stated in my third paragraph… i mean, yeah, the logic in my fifth paragraph, while I have my own personal opinions about it, it is also kinda valid… but third paragraph, though such a small trivial thing, is really where my issues lie. Well, just for the sake of the happy ending, I’m also glad that uke and I do not think alike as he and I have different life experiences and standing at different positions and seeing things with different perspectives. My opinions are extremely subjective and in no way must be taken as a legit argument and I’m also in no way saying I am right, I’m not the honored one lol, Just saying, so that’s that and I’m gonna go…