Before anyone come for me, I don't excuse pilgyeom's SA of songap. He is a monster for that, but I sympathize on how he was trying to build a connection with songap.
Y'all might invalidate my thoughts, but just know that my hate for his ways, and empathy for him can be true at the same time.
It doesn't sound like an excuse at all, more so a very through analysis of his character and you're spot on with it. I think one can empathize with the Pilgyeom *before* the rape, or the stages of his life that lead to him becoming obsessed and sort of lonely, and still hate him for what he's done nonetheless. People have a hard time separating concepts and accepting two or more things can be true at the same time.
I agree with you on this. Losing his memories is a fair price to pay for what he did. I just hope he is at peace at himself now.
Your analysis is great but I personally think he should have been able to remember do he could live with that guilt for all he put songap through and this might be bc I am bias as a rape victim but also knowing both characters personalities and how they felt about death I feel like if he died both main characters wouldn’t have coped nicely with it. He’s a despicable monster and while his past was a explanation I feel no sympathy or empathy for him but your analysis was perfect in my opinion bc I was having a hard time figuring out his character
I understand your take. However, I think if Songap did remember, his obsession with pilgyeom would never end. I think he'll end up looking for pilgyeom again, then try to find pilgyeom's weakness and hold it against him. It's because the feeling of losing pilgyeom is causing him constant anxiety. He's basically assuming that in order to be wanted, he needs to be needed. He'll either find loopholes in pilgyeom's life, or make one. That's how desperate he can be. So as much as I do want him to feel guilt and remember what he did, I think it was smart for the author not to give him that.
Also, I think that despite what songap did, pilgyeom found his peace when he fell from that cliff. As much as he hated him, he did still feel grateful for him. This is what I think because despite being SA'd by songap, he was having flashbacks of how songap helped him. I think that he really did felt indebted to Songap. That's why no matter how Songap treated him, pilgyeom still managed to be in the same room with Songap.
I'm so sad about pilgyeom..
I think that during his childhood, he had two significant people in his life—his auntie and songap. He witnessed the suicide of his auntie—and was unwillingly separated to songap.
I think that since these two are the only people he was affectionate with, when auntie died, he wanted to spoil songap with all the love he has to offer. He was affectionate with him even as a child.
After a long while of reading, while pilgyeom sees songap as his brother, this was not reciprocated by songap. This led to the push and pull between songap and pilgyeom. Since pilgyeom wants to be close to songap, just like they were kids.
I actually believe that pilgyeom truly loved songap as a brother. Songap and Pilgyeom grew distant as they grew up, and because of the distance of their social standing and titles, they grew farther away from each other. I think that seeing Songap embracing a man on both occasions (songap's first love and bongchun) gave Pilgyeom the impression that the only way he can get close to Songap is by sleeping with him.
Pilgyeom wanted affection from his brother—but the frustration of his efforts and affection not being reciprocated by songap, led to his obsession. That's why he felt the need to always hold some leverage over Songap (the medicine for his first love, and bongchuns life) because these are the only instances where he felt needed by Songap..
I only wished that by forgetting his memories, he would be able to start anew.