FuckedMyWayUpToTheTop

This basically shows the true horror of omegaverse as a concept. Even though extremely sloppy in writing and characterization, it illustrates how detrimental the pheromones, heat and rut cycles are to the ability to consent. It does raise the interesting questions as to how involved parties affected, and to an extent impaired by pheromones can even give and/or recognize valid consent, at what point people should and can be responsible for handling their ruts and heats or remove themselves from situations potentially leading to impaired ability to consent, and where valid consent begins and ends taking into consideration when a person's judgement is still sound before it becomes fully impaired by pheromones.

Apart from how shitty the story was written, it's complicated to say here who raped who tbh, but it's not as complicated to say what the true valid consent was. A college student stalking a high schooler who happened to go into heat when he was there - let's just say that's a recipe for disaster. He shouldn't have stalked her in the first place, so there we have the initial violation, done in full, clear judgement. From the flashbacks, we gather the hints that, before FL's judgement was fully impaired by the pheromones, she didn't want to get involved with the alpha, yet the alpha also didn't remove himself while he still could as he wasn't fully impaired by her pheromones at that point (second big violation). In a situation like this, it would make sense to take note of the involved people's boundaries and wishes prior to fully succumbing to the pheromones, so the FL didn't consent from the start, again, judging from her initial reaction to escape and fight, so she clearly didn't want to participate in sexual activity or assault the alpha. So it's hard for me to see her as the sole rapist, as portrayed by the story. As the alpha reacted to her pheromones, he, too, was impaired in both his decision to remove himself from the situation, and giving consent himself, yet the heat was outside of the FL' s control and the fact the alpha was near her, strongly reacting to her heat pheromones, was circumstantial tough luck, yet she was the sole rapist and the alpha - just a victim? I don't buy it, not in the way it was written in this story. A rapist makes the conscious decision to rape. Rapists in omegaverse, just like irl, make the conscious decision to rape. The way they can do it in omegaverse is to purposefully not take precautions as to not lose control during heats/ruts and potentially hurt others, purposefully use pheromones to influence other's ability to consent, or as a shield to do whatever they want as they can say it was all just under the influence of pheromones while knowing fully well they could've, again, taken precautions with medication or removed themselves from a situation where they could lose control (rapists in omegaverse like to create situations where rape can happen, for example an alpha trapping an omega in heat where he can't escape or an alpha noticing pheromones that could potentially trigger his mating instincts, but then giving in instead of removing himself from the situation or offering/taking suppressants). However, in this situation, it can be assumed that a high schooler on her way home wouldn't consent to a random stranger fucking her during her first ever heat - she didn't purposefully seduce him. So she's a victim of the circumstances, not a rapist. The alpha is a victim of the circumstances, too, but one who's not entirely innocent - he had no business stalking a high school student, and, imo, did not react quickly enough by escaping as soon as he sensed her pheromones. As someone who has the ability to bite, to physically overpower, and impregnate, he carries higher responsibility to make sure that doesn't happen. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say no victim is perfect.

It's interesting, though, because we can use the parallel of alcohol intoxication. We know a person who's intoxicated can't consent, and in omegaverse, pheromones have a very similar effect to one's judgement and ability to give consent. The FL couldn't have consented properly from the start of her heat, and anything she did under the influence of the heat, was outside of her control, and wasn't even what she consented to prior to fully going into heat. So it's like that alpha had to do with someone who's super drunk, but also got drunk off the pheromones himself and tried to restrain himself, but without success. Hadn't that alpha approached her in that vulnerable moment during her first heat, though, maybe she wouldn't have been completely out of it. Wrong place, wrong time, full blown tragedy. The alpha was traumatized, too, because his own judgement was impaired by the heat, making him ravenous and poorly controlled, but to give him credit, he did want to restrain himself, showing that he, too, didn't want to violate her, and fall into a state of impaired judgement and ability to recognize or give consent. He fully recognized, by trying to restain himself, that the FL was in a vulnerable situation and what he could potentially do to her. Yet he also experienced a sexual violation as he didn't want for penetration to happen, I'm guessing both because he knew the FL did it without clear consent and judgement so she wouldn't have wanted for sex to happen under circumstances outside of heat, and because he himself didn't want to consent to it under those same circumstances. But really, at the end of the day, who the fuck stalks a high school girl? The story fumbled it so badly with the plot, characterization and circumstances, and how it tried to subvert expectations while actually, there's nothing to subvert as there are no clear victim and perpetrator here, so I can only conclude that this is a story about the tragedy of the pheromone biology and why you should ALWAYS carry suppressants ffs.

What an exciting plot! The suspense, the twists, the hints making you second guess what the truth is up until the story slowly reveals it - all of it made it a great reading experience. The author was able to capture the thrill of escaping, as they put it, very well. Not just the thrill, but this painfully twisted obsession, that type of codependent attachment truly living in between love and hate, born out of rusty feelings, guilt, fear, and lust for revenge. It's the perfect mix for delicious angst!

It really is an escape into oblivion as the MC had to completely deconstruct everything to process his trauma, and ultimately his feelings for the ML. Not just that, I think with how obsessive the ML is, ending up with him could mean the MC' final destruction or forgetting himself and his identity, letting himself go as he succumbs to the sweet, loving control of the ML. I think it would've been an even darker story if the author went with their original script and made the ML the killer of MC' childhood best friend, but then it would've been some sort of truly dark trauma bond, it would've been more difficult to pull off imo. I think it's just as touching to have the ML be the childhood friend MC left behind as it creates for a complex foundation of their relationship - the MC experiencing such intense guilt painted in the colors of trauma as he witnessed his sister's suicide on that same day, gnawing at him as he tries to escape from that guilt, while through escaping, hoping for his first love to chase after him, find him, and hold onto him. As he said, he doesn't know what to do - he wants to escape, but wants to be held onto, just to escape again, which sounds like PTSD, like he relives the same cycle with no conclusion. He relives that dynamic with everyone he gets involved with as he hasn't processed what happened back then, while this indicates the ML has always been engraved in his heart, again, through a mix of true love, and the trauma of his sister's death (his memories even mixed it all up, putting his sister's mole on then child ML, which ironically proved to the ML he wasn't just abandoned because he was forgotten, because he fell into oblivion). The anticipation was always there, but the waiting would've been too painful, so escaping was easier, staying on the move constantly. I think because the MC was perpetually guilty, he didn't think he deserved love, and didn't want to be loved, as the ML mentioned as well by saying he was "never loved". When the ML finally "caught him" and made him want to stay, was MC at peace, because that was the conclusion he wanted to experience as a child when he left behind his friend to die. MC wanted something or someone, through their actions, to calm his consciousness, to confirm to him that he won't be left behind as he didn't leave anyone to die, erasing the guilt. But said guilt can't be erased, the MC had to live with the consequences of his own cowardice. The ML reminded him of that, but it turned out to be what MC needed to become free from the shackles of his past.

Now, I can't imagine how painful it must've been for the ML to give so many chances. What I can imagine is the fact he was starting to experience the same feelings he did back then as a child during his plot for revenge, making it that more painful when he witnessed the MC testing him by escaping and playing by the rules of his own trauma. As much as the ML hated him for the past, and the present, he loved the MC. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin after all, as both make one obsessed. It's what made the ML obsessed at first (love at first sight), then later after being abandoned (hatred), keeping the MC close to his heart. Without even wanting to, through the circumstances, he was able to punish the MC however, which ultimately brought them back together. When the ML revealed himself to MC just before the end of the story, that's when he gave yet another, his final, chance. It was touching. Just when you think his heart must be exhausted, it's like the ML can't let go, even if he wants to. Because all of what he's experienced, during and after the attack, would've been for nothing. And because at the end, MC was his way to take control of the situation he couldn't control back then - by imprisoning him in his own kind of "love".