FuckedMyWayUpToTheTop

Juwon is an adorable, loveable overthinker and I love how flustered and bothered he got every time because of anything related to Jeong-min, but my gosh, was it frustrating to see him make the same mistake in miscommunication every. Fucking. Time. Right until the end, too... High clear, my ass, both need to understand when it's time to take action instead of just leaving space for each other constantly lol. (His best friend has the most common sense out of all the characters here and for that, I like him the most tbh. Also, not the BL with him and Doo-yun teased at the very end, I KNEW IT. I shipped Seong-hyn and Do-yoon from the start and my intuition was right, hehe.)

Now, the concept is cute since we have a pair of two polar opposites, which creates for a lot of tension - the overthinking, overly expressive type and the calm, collected, introverted type, clashing in lots of fun, cute, awkward, but also embarrassing moments. It had a lot of potential to make them learn from each other and grow. However, I don't like how the story never showed any growth in them or their dynamic, especially in their surface level communication (they felt like fuck buddies who like each other, not like a super fresh couple who want to grow a deeper connection and truly get to know each other). Not in them learning from the same mistakes like how Jeong-min needed to open up more and speak what's on his mind more as to not put Juwon in overthinking overdrive (culminating in the part of the story that truly threw me off and made him very unlikeable - fucking the non consenting, sleeping Juwon just cause he couldn't even properly open up about his jealousy...) or Juwon not taking any action because of excessive overthinking, leading to more misunderstandings making him even more flustered and overthinking, creating a vicious cycle of avoidance. That's why reading this felt frustrating at times, and like we have static, one dimensional characters at play who don't even attempt to learn. Juwon fails times and times again, not because he tries, but because he does the same thing - overthink, avoid, repeat. Jeong-min stays silent in crucial moments, and only ever speaks up when shit has hit the fan and Juwon can't take the initiative cause of overthinking. That same pattern throughout the whole story felt too repetitive. Because of that, their backstory as to how Jeong-min fell for Juwon far back while watching him during qualifiers didn't hit that hard. It didn't feel super genuine. It was as a nice addition to everything, but that's about it.

Jeong-min is supposed to be very poker faced, sure, but I wish he'd unravel a bit more before Juwon as at times, he felt absent. He has his subtle or, at times even not so subtle ways of showing interest, like a cat having its own language you have to take time to decipher (dog × cat dynamic), but in crucial moments, he felt a bit too stoic, unbothered by the misunderstandings or avoidance from Juwon, and stone faced. It didn't help that the story barely showed his inner monologue or workings - I think if it did, he would feel more fleshed out. I appreciated the times when he wasn't as calm faced towards the end, though. Still, his character is tainted by what he did to Juwon while he was sleeping, and he never properly addressed that or apologized, which is super scummy and cowardly of him. For a character who's supposed to be so blunt and brave while calm and collected, he didn't seem like it in how he handled that situation. Still, it was cute to see how he appreciated Juwon and accepted his chaotic, well meaning nature, and saw him as motivation to continue competitive sports.

Juwon is still my beautiful princes (loved the moment where he jumped in Jeong-min's arms or when he was carried by him while passed out drunk), I love how human and real he feels in his insecurities, overthinking, and how he tries his best even if he fails again, and again... And again lol. He's earnest and passionate, so he felt more alive as a character for sure. His friend Seong-hyun did a loooot of the lifting for him in his personal development and giving him more of a push in the right direction, but I wish I'd seen more initiative in him trying to clear up misunderstandings heads on. I do appreciate that the story does depict a realistic dynamic (and issues) of just crushing on someone and getting to know them in that dating stage, it felt accurate. The worries, the butterflies, the fears of not coming off as clingy. But I wanted to see Juwon become braver and slowly overcome that. It's no wonder it was hard for him since Jeong-min, let's be honest, isn't the most reassuring, emotionally open type, so I understand to an extent why Juwon faced a challenge of navigating his emotions on his own. The dynamic with his sister felt super realistic to me as an only child - that's what I imagine a younger sister would be like to an older brother.

And now, my favorite character - Seong-hyun. I honestly want to read more about him. He seems so cool and like he knows shit. I want to know why Do-yoon is so bitter, I want to see them both unravel each other. I'm so sat for their story and I hope we get to read it someday.

This was just fine. Lukewarm at best. It didn't convey the feelings it wanted to in the intensity it intended to bring; the issues and angst of it all could've had depth, but felt surface level in execution, and their stories didn't touch me tbh, the storytelling wasn't convincing enough. I didn't like the ML from the start because he admitted to trying anal with a woman without her consent, and I couldn't shake that off up until the end. No matter how much of a redemption he got for how he treated Juin from the start, and how he showed his vulnerability more and more as he got in touch with his feelings and sexuality, to me, he was that dude who crossed a woman's boundaries to get himself off as he was thinking about the MC or some shit like that. Juin was actually a fun character and I like how strong and reliable he was, but at times, he felt almost too naive and shallow in how he could work through his worst trauma so quickly. I understand he's supposed to be a character who always gives people space for their own feelings and tends to put his needs and own emotions second while prioritizing the needs and feelings of others, but the fact he lost his parents so brutally and suddenly didn't seem to showup a lot in his psyche. In the parts of the story where he was confronted with all the people involved in their death, he worked through that so fast and just let it go as quickly as it was brought up as to act as this sort of wholesome, all forgiving character who's supposed to unite everyone else and advance other people's growth, while lacking that same complexity and growth himself. It didn't feel natural tbh. He felt too perfect. Then the fact ML's father was involved in both Juin's life and that purple haired guy's life as his father also died when he drunk drove and killed Juin's parents was so convenient, wasn't it? The weird dog guy was also part of that whole plot line?? What a small world. I had to roll my eyes at this lol.

That father, too - he seemed to have loved and cared for Juin, but was so cold and didn't want anything to do with him when he was living with his son. Again, so much out of character bullshit, then he gets colon cancer and THAT'S when he remembers he actually used to really care for Juin. He wanted to adopt him even, but never spoke with his own son about that? ML knew about purple haired guy, they've been friends ever since childhood, but Juin was never talked about? Weird. The father also did a crazy 180, and yes, cancer can be life changing like that and make people think, become vulnerable and showhumility, but it seemed like a veeeery quick change, especially his openness after his year long displays of homophobia. He hated the fact his son got involved with the one he wanted to adopt, AND was homophobic, so how could he become so accepting under these circumstances? Again, people don't act like that. The story had moments where it was close to getting it, to making its characters do and say things according to their motives, personalities, and struggles, making them learn and grow, but then fumbled it too often for them to get dimensional and real.

Now, the second couple... I finally get to read about a proper switch couple (YAY), but of course it's the weird one where one dude sees his dead dog in the other one and randomly goes down on him the moment they meet...Their whole thing felt sooo unfinished, both characters weren't fleshed out so any connection they had didn't feel real either. The fact they met the way they did didn't help their case. It was never properly addressed how purple haired dude's transference of his own fucking dog onto Jinu was unhealthy and what it meant for their relationship. It was never clear if purple haired guy really fell for Jinu and appreciated him as a person, as at times, it felt like he treated him as a substitute for the dog, dare I say he dehumanized him. Only towards the end, in a brief moment, does purple hair guy mention he doesn't like Jinu because of his dead dog, but then it's left at just that. THAT'S IT? No more talk, no more exploration of that topic so central to their relationship? Right. And Jinu... My Shayla, what have they done to you?! He was my favorite character from the start as he was the only one who actually cared for Juin without judgement and seemed decent, and even apart from that, had a likeable, warm, caring personality, but the moment he was paired up with purple haired guy, he was reduced to being an obedient dog... Yeah, that's their dynamic, but he was stripped from so many of his character traits. He lost his passion, his drive, his interests and quirks, he just felt like an accessory to purple hair guy. It's a shame considering he could've been explored more - we learned he was parentified early as he was the son of a teen mother, and that could've been such an interesting, yet relatable topic to many. It could've been reflected more in his story and character. It may explain why he fell for someone so closed off and sad like the purple hair guy, but the story was too dumb to make that connection. It instead alluded to some Oedipus complex (minus wanting to kill the step father lol) and left it a that, because it wasn't enough to make it about a dead dog with those two...

The one interesting couple - femboy glasses guy and the mute guy, OF COURSE it got no coverage whatsoever. I wanted to read about them ffs! They had the most interesting dynamic as one of them just doesn't talk, I would've loved to see how they got to communicate, how they got closer, why mute guy didn't talk in the first place, and how glasses guy won mute guy's trust. We just had one sex scene, one scene where they noticed each other for the first time, and it was left at that. What a shame. They both seemed to have the most distinct personalities out of all the characters and glasses guy looked and behaved so cunty, sigh.

All in all, this had lots of potential, but was too mid in execution and took some weird turns or made weird decisions for characters and their relationships.