FuckedMyWayUpToTheTop

Rereading this to note stuff in my list, and tbh, although it's still a semi peak story for me (a solid 4/5), the dialogues as well as internal monologues tend to be lacking and dragged at times (and I don't know if it's cause it's not the official translation, but even with the official one, it's similar). It's like they rarely come to a satisfying, culminating point or mostly, they go in very roundabout, attempted deep ways about rather simple points and concepts (for example, how the MC in the main couple tried to explain to himself and the ML that, although he's not a masochist, and not a typical sub, when it's with the person he loves, he is more open to experiencing new things and even trying to find pleasure through pain because it's the one he loves who is inflicting it on him; how labels can mean nothing because they don't encompass the complexity of feelings and relationships; then the fish tank that could've been used in interesting ways to symbolize wanting control while keeping full transparency of the controlled with the controller still visible, but impenetrable, or wanting to build something, but feeling insecure so the tank stays mostly empty - just lost potential there imo). The main couple was full of those dialogues that went nowhere, and while they both claimed to want to explore the other, how they felt so enticed by the mystery of the other, it wasn't as reflected in both actions and depth of communication for the most part. Potentially poignant moments, internal tension, stress and conflict of desire, self identity and past experiences fall flat this way and aren't conveyed strongly imo. It felt a bit shallow, and the intensity built up at the beginning burnt out quickly.

However, in overall depth, writing, and symbolism even, I find the second couple stronger. I enjoyed their moment together in the MC's house at the beach, because the problem was illustrated clearly - the fact the MC had a specific defense mechanism (raindrops allegory works well there, I also liked the illustration of the after image showing how unapproachable and guarded, but also uncomfortable the MC is in the moment, how he feels the need to escape from himself and the present), how the defense mechanism of the MC worked, how that bothered the ML, and what he wanted to do about it. Btw, I still don't know how he was able to extract so much information from the very lacking communication. As former group members, they've spent together, so the ML was so observant to the point of completely figuring him out like that? Dunno. It was, however, well narrated how the ML came to grow up, to be, and eventually claim the MC (there was a satisfying full circle there with the need to hold onto something while having none, like water flowing constantly without halt, and again, the water/raindrop visuals- the impossible task of keeping what seeps through your fingers for yourself, which is the theme of ML's life - he fell in love with the impermanence, found the beauty in it, but really, he had to adapt to it because of the ever changing environments and instability. The MC reminded him of the impermanent beauty of rain drops, yet he couldn't keep losing it anymore and held onto him). The MC, at times, also had strong self reflection. His child actor past and the trauma from that makes for a convincing character background, making him full of emotional detachment, self hatred, self blaming, and pushing him to cope by getting with people who don't really like him, being used to perform for people rather than have people care for his substance and needs. He's tbh the most fleshed out character imo. I'd say the second couple itself is more fleshed out, with both the ML and MC there explored better, there's a bit more depth. Everyone else in the story though? Not very convincing. The ML in the first couple could've been that, but he also doesn't feel really fleshed out. Same for the MC, he felt the least fleshed out tbh.

Some dialogues feel like they try to convey so much, but say nothing. Not in this organic way of struggling with communication, I don't think those moments were meant to show struggle with that, just the writing itself was hollow. Still, the mood in this story, the art, the expressions, and the dynamics are too strong for me to not lose myself in it. If this had strong writing, more fleshed out characters, better exploration and self reflection, it would be the peak of the peak, easily top 3, but it would be too fucking good then lol.

This has such a great premise and concept, but is way too rushed (since it's so short and compact). Still, to see the subdomverse and omegaverse meet in a story about an alpha who's a sub is quite interesting, and overall, despite how rushed it is, the dynamic between an alpha sub and an omega dom is very enticing (but again, feels more like abandoned strong potential because there wasn't enough build up and content of it). The fact the alpha is written as mismatched in his sub and secondary gender type and thus, labeled sub type trans leads me to think it would be interesting to see omegaverse where a trans secondary gender identity in a character is explored. I've only ever seen characters who wish to be one or the other secondary gender, but not truly have a trans experience where they just are the other secondary gender, born in the wrong body however.

The female alpha × male omega couple has me wanting to read a whole separate story about them, too. I want more omegaverse with female alphas at the forefront ffs.

The sub alpha who cums just by his omega dom's command though... Like, I need to see more of their sexual play