Congratulations on making it so far! And also on graduatin. I like to think that your younger version would be pretty proud of you for making it so far. I can sympathise with a lot of things youve mentioned like losing friends that were with you for a long time... and i still am struggling with having to accept reality, still. I believe you havent lost your younger version. Noone changes completely. Maybe it got a little buried, but its still in you. You are still who you were years ago, even if you think you arent. Human behavior is very if not impossibly hard to change. Just the fact that youre alive and kicking shows your strength let alone your other accomplishments, such as being able to travel, making new friends, and building self confidence. Its also a different kind of strength to acknowledge your weaknesses. Admitting them to yourself. Its okay to mourn a friendship. Its ok if it takes years. It just shows how capable you were at creating a strong bond. Furthermore admitting all of these in front of a forum full of strangers is also brave, ngl. So yeah. Try to remind yourself of all the small things you do, that takes courage. Oh and i heard a nice quote: "Life is like a dick. It may be hard right now. But it never stays hard forever". Youre doing fantastic, so keep it up, and its fine to fall back or cry, just never ever stop standing up and continuing forward. (๑•ㅂ•)و✧
Jinha...thank you for the dick metaphor, it made me laugh so hard...lol, i love it! you are so kind and inspiring.
Bleh... i'm also someone out who's gone thru similar feelings, and trying find my way. i think it happens in cycles, and because we gather more experiences naturally over time and accumulate memories. it's like i want a fresh restart, to be free and unfettered. i am still learning to recapture this.
i think missing someone even if you can't be together just shows how much you cared and shows the depth of your ability to love. and that's such a beautiful thing, truly it is. even if it feels bittersweet. you are still a beautiful, kind soul... right here, right now. it never leaves you <3
Thank you Akumaneko for your praise and im glad i could put a smile on your face with the dick metaphor
I accidentally pressed post while still writing damn. So yeah i agree with the things youve mentioned. And just the two of us commenting shows that Bleh, you arent alone. You never are. Since you enjoy reading bl i suggest you reading "for you who grieves". Its kinda about a guy who thinks hes alone. Well also about two other guys who think the same. So yeah, i think youll find some answers to your question and can smypathize with the main character (●'◡'●)ﾉ
Thank you so much. I deeply appreciate it so much. Thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a kind comment under it. It really means so much to me. Thank you for being so kind. Not sure what woke up in me after reading it but it's definitely something similar to hope, light and positivity. I deeply appreciate it. Thank you so much
Thank you for being so kind and giving me strength. @jinha and you truly filled my heart with so much right now. Thank you sometimes it's seriously just a little push from someone I've never mer that truly helps me keep going
Thank you for your kind words but i truly didnt do much. Im just happy i could help you even if its a little. If you ever need someone to talk to youre welcome to send me a message i do check this site daily. You seem like a very kind soul ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉ~
Thank you so much. And I mean it when I say that it seriously means a lot to me. It's a platform which accounts to many people but for you to take your time and comment below really shows how kind you are. It's really precious to me.
Thank you, thats really heartwarming to hear
Hi everyone just wanted to come here to rant today. I'm being really silly right now but it's for a reason I suppose. Just few minutes back I saw a reel on ig about all the past yaoi that I've read followed by the song "where'd all the time go it's starting to fly " these bl included ones like bj Alex painter of the night and so much more. But I saw the years attached to it. The years that all the started amd realised how many years it's been since I started my Bl journey. It first started as a curiously back in 9th grade through youtube where I just started staying in a boarding school. Disliked by everyone then. Younger me saw the unfairness and wished to be pretty then by 10 grade I was practically glued to it. Started having friends, being happy and all the internal noise canceling out all because I found solace and a safe place in the bl community and made friends. By 12 grade I found mangago before that I was reading bl in mrm. Didn't sign in to mangao until inwas imn12 grade my friend from 10 th grade still by my side. I was an insecure girl who wished to be pretty wished to have lots of friends and wanted to be like the cool girls. And my friend was one of the cool girls then and I was in the group but everyone around me made me feel more conscious of the way I looked. And bl was my solace but I really loved my friend so it never truly affected as much anymore. Then we went to college still reading bl and my friend still by my side. Now I'm finally graduating and going for my masters with mangago still by my side but I lost my friend then suffered several heartbreaks lost more friends I truly loved made new friends went and explored the world travelled more became one of the pretty girls found more hobbies became one of the cool girls who everyone wishes to be friends with. Did a lot of things that younger me never though was possible. Bit I look back and realise that despite all of this I'm still crying all alone. Still can't get over my friend amd wish she were still by my side but at the same time I know it's better if we were apart. So much happened, gained so many new experiences younger me is proud of me for being the girl she always wished to be no insecurity. But I seriously wanna abandon all of this and wish to be my old self , though old me had a very beautiful heart a kind soul and so much more stronger than me now. I see how far I've come and I'm suppose to be happy but I lost a very important friend and still am grieving because of it . Hurts so much more bad than losing a man for me. I truly wish I could meet the old me and have a talk with her and take lessons on how to be her. Despite knowing that the younger me wanted to be the me now. I'm still so sad and lonely. Sorry for ranting like that. If you've come thus far thank you for listening to my sloopy story. And I am still am grateful to yaoi for still being my safe place