I'm frustrated (novel spoilers)

Just gonna give a rundown of what happens in the novel for anyone who wants to continue this. I'm a lover of dark stories but this one's just annoying. I have soooo many thoughts on it and just need to let it out. I want my time reading this back ╥﹏╥

(*Warning* Long)

First of all, if it feels like the manhwa is formatted weird, it's literally bc the novel is. It'll be in the middle of a genuinely good, interesting scene and you're like "oh boy can't wait to see what happens next" and the next chapter just doesn't show a conclusion. Just gives a flashback. Happens all the time -.-

Anyway, after Wan runs away after watching that scene in the mountain theater, he goes and throws up in the bathroom, then it cuts over to Jeonghoo who finds him in the bathroom and basically tells him to suck it up. Wan then passes out. Next chapter starts not on the field trip but a week later for some reason and Wan's back in school and recounts the end of the field trip where it was basically just Wan staying in the hotel room the rest of the stay (understandably). Anyway, nothing important happens. Then like a week later (idk time is screwy in this story) Wan feels his heat coming on while at school so he goes to the nurse's office to get suppressants. He ODs and has to get part of his stomach cut out and big surprise Jeonghoo is mad.

Little later, Wan gets news that he was accepted into a college on a scholarship (yay), and after graduation (that Jeonghoo skipped) he visits the college then registers for classes. But when he's in the admission's office he's told that someone removed him from the scholarship program and declined attending. Big surprise, Jeonghoo did that. Wan is rightfully angry and confronts him. They get into a little spat and Jeonghoo basically tells him if he wants to go to college, he needs to put out for him. He R@pes Wan.

At some point, an annex starts being built. Jeonghoo pictures Wan raising kids in there. But it's literally not important.

There's a 2 year time skip. Wan's dad gets killed. Jeonghoo goes to claim the body and proceeds to NOT tell Wan. Why? No one knows! (it's actually to prevent Wan from going into shock, according to Jeonghoo, the altruist /s). Cut to uni. Wan is attending a different college than the one he toured alongside Jeonghoo. Jeonghoo also works at his dad's company as director.

*btw Jeonghoo hates his dad. There's a scene where he comes home and finds his dad in the greenhouse with an omega companion and Jeonghoo is so angry that they sat in his furniture that he had the staff bring him completely new chairs. For the life of me I cannot remember if this is pre or post timeskip. But the scene is pointless and goes nowhere and--I kid you not-- you never see his dad again.

Jeonghoo only attends class like 2 days a week, but forced Wan to make his schedule so that they're in the same classes. Their peers don't like Wan. They avoid talking to him. Wan asks where his dad is and Jeonghoo tells him that he sent him overseas to work somewhere else. Wan is sad but decides to start writing him letters anyway. Wan buys stationary equipment at the school store. Nothing of importance really happens. Jeonghoo gets jealous of the 1 girl at school who talks to Wan; she likes him. She touches Wan's necklace and Wan reflexively swats her hand away and all of a sudden he's the bad guy. Some guy who picks on him gets mad that he did that and asks Wan to join him and his two buddies afterschool. For some reason he agrees.

They drive him to a golf course. It's incredibly hot. They make him act as a caddy, and refuse to let him ride in the golf cart. They also purposely miss the hole and make Wan pick up their balls. Jeonghoo shows up bc he has tabs on Wan 24/7. He challenges them to a competition and if he wins, he gets to beat them for picking on Wan, but if they lose, they get to visit his mansion. Jeonghoo loses. They go to the mansion the next day and play more golf. Jeonghoo takes paint and pours it all over them and makes them stack on top of each other like a pyramid. Then coerces Wan into whacking golf balls at their faces. What happens after that? Who tf knows. Chapter ends and a new one starts randomly. Woulda been nice to have seen the aftermath but whatever. The throwaway "they left and took a leave of absence" is enough apparently.

Jeonghoo gifts Wan a Samoyed puppy. Wan names it Wanmu. Wanmu is the only good thing Wan's life. Everyone loves Wanmu.

Wan watches a documentary about an omega tent village where a recessive omega like himself is interviewed holding an infant in their arms. Omega explains they were abandoned and gave birth to a useless recessive omega. Wan starts picturing himself in that situation if Jeonghoo ever abandons him.

Wan starts getting a headache and the girl gives him pills. Jeonghoo intercepts them and stops Wan from taking them citing the incident when he ODd. He also tells Wan that he's starting his heat. They go back to the mansion and Jeonghoo knots him constantly. Next day, Wan wakes up alone and freaks out that he might be pregnant but he doesn't want to be pregnant. He goes to the hospital and the doctors pretty much tell him that they can't tell if he's pregnant one day after sex. Wan proceeds to spend the next like 1 or 2 weeks stressing over if he's pregnant. He goes to Jeonghoo's office, they have sex. Wan wants him to use a condom. Jeonghoo pretty much tells him that "he's not gonna have his b@stard child". Which directly contradicts previous fantasies. But who cares. Wan has to leave bc Jeonhoo has a meeting. After Wan leaves, Jeonghoo gets turned on by the thought of Wan being pregnant and specifically pregnancy sex. He wants Wan pregnant. Meeting happens. Jeonghoo asks everyone how to know if someone is pregnant and specifically if their nipples get darker bc Wan's did. Person says "I guess" and that's enough to convince Jeonghoo that Wan is pregnant. He orders doctors go to the mansion.

Doctor and nurses are scaring Wan. Wan is forcibly held down as the doctor does an ultrasound. Wan is pregnant (yay). Jeonghoo is overjoyed, Wan wants an abortion. They go to school. Jeonghoo announces Wan's pregnancy. Wan is in denial and takes a leave of absence.

Wan tries hiding his pregnancy bc he hates his pregnant body and doesn't want it (understandable). He starts watching the cameras and planning an escape. Jeonghoo goes on a business trip. Wan escapes but makes sure one camera sees him. Then he double-backs and goes to the annex. The annex has no cameras. He sleeps there until morning. A plant delivery truck comes in the morning. Wan hides in its truck under a tarp. He claims to have miraculously bypass Jeonghoo's strict security detail. Clearly, not strict enough.

Jeonghoo is mad Wan escaped and has everyone looking for him. Wan hops out of the truck at a gas station and hurts his ankle in the process. He has minimal money. He thinks about going to a shelter. He does not. In an alleyway, he runs into Gilhyun. The bully from the academy. Gilhyun is a changed man. He offers to buy a room for Wan to stay in. He gets Wan the most elusive suite on the top floor of a high-end hotel. Wan asks to borrow a laptop. He looks up abortion procedures. Realizes he doesn't have enough money for one and cuts his losses. Gilhyun makes advances towards Wan. Wan rejects him. Jeonghoo is stressing over Wan. He gets invited to a networking event. He makes a big show saying "why this location *scoff*"...it's very clearly the hotel Wan is at. Gilhyun comes to the hotel later that night drunk. Wan is only wearing a robe bc he just took a shower. Gilhyun gets mad Wan rejected him and tries to force himself on him but sees Wan's pregnant belly. He gets angry. He drags him out of the room and is like "elites up on the roof would love the f you". Jeonghoo is on the rooftop. He's told there's been an update on Wan. The exclusive VIP elevator is full so he uses the stairs to use the normie elevator on the top floor. Wan is on the top floor. Jeonghoo finds Wan and Gilhyun. And no, we don't see the beating Jeonghoo gives Gilhyun. Why? Who cares. Wan was only away from the mansion for 2 days.

Wan wakes up in complete blackness. He's in the annex. Jeonghoo comes in and r@pes him again. "You did what you wanted to do now I get to do what I want to do". Justifying his reactions bc heaven forbid Wan wanted away from him. Wan pleads to be let out, and Jeonghoo brings him outside. He then sets fire to the annex.

Jeonghoo brings him to their academy alumni party. Jeonghoo tells everyone there Wan is pregnant.

Wan's nutritional levels are practically nonexistent. Wan's being fed boatloads of iron-rich food bc he's anemic. He hates them. Wan starts freaking out thinking about the gender of the baby and that the baby is the only thing preventing Jeonghoo from kicking him out. He grows attached to the fetus. Which is a darn shame bc the doctor tells Jeonghoo that Wan's body physically cannot house a dominant and either he or the baby is going to die. Jeonghoo learns Wan has grown attached to the fetus. That night, Wan starts to miscarry. Doctors have to perform an abortion with Jeonghoo's consent. Wan feels betrayed that Jeonghoo would sign off, but Jeonghoo tells him he found out about the laptop searches. Wan is in distress.

Wan's is psychosis; won't talk, barely eats, constantly asks where his baby is. He and Jeonghoo go to a festival. Wan gets a monkey toy. Jeonghoo hates this monkey toy. Wan perceives it as his child. After a while of having the monkey toy, Wan tells Jeonghoo that the baby died (it no longer spoke when you squeezed its stomach). They bury the monkey in the greenhouse. Wan periodically goes to the greenhouse to mourn his dead child. It's all genuinely really sad.

Wan feels better. He announces he's pregnant again. Jeonghoo tells him he's not and has the doctor perform another ultrasound. Wan is not pregnant. He's once again upset.

After a while, Wan's mental health slowly starts to recover. Wan snoops around Jeonghoo's study and finds all the letters he had written to his dad. He demands to know what happened to him. Jeonghoo tells him he's dead and brings him to a morgue so Wan can see the body. Wan sleeps with Jeonghoo, then runs away the next morning and brings his dog with him. Chief Park tells Jeonghoo to wait until Wan reaches out first before seeing him. I'm thinking there's gonna be another time skip. Nope. It's just a month.

Jeonghoo finds Wan at the villa he's staying at and tells him that he can either k/ll himself on the island or marry him. Wan decides to marry him. The End.

**Side Stories**
SS1: Wan goes back to college and participates in the school festival. It's kinda boring.
SS2: It's revealed that Wan and Jeonghoo met each other has children but don't remember one another
SS3: Jeonghoo's bday is coming up and wants to make him a cake. Part of it is told from a third person's pov. It's annoying. Once again kinda boring.
SS4. WAN'S PREGNANT!!! IT"S A GIRL!!! Unfortunately I have no time to be excited about the birth or baby bc the lead up was quite literally just a diary entry. The author spends half a chapter describing mundane objects, but couldn't spare a few chapters to focus on Wan's successful pregnancy? Alright. Everyone loves the baby. Wholesome content ensues. By 5, she has the same personality as Jeonghoo. It was just a dream though. The baby never existed. Just a figment of a reoccurring dream. A whole bunch of nonsense.
SS5: Wan gets Lasek
SS6: Wan searches for the monkey toy again. He's still not completely healed psychologically. It's revealed that Jeonghoo had a vasectomy. It's Wan's bday, he and Jeonghoo go to a cake bar. He wants a baby; asks Jeonghoo to reverse his vasectomy. Jeonghoo insults Wan and referes to himself as an omega who can't get him pregnant. Wan is upset. Bystanders record them, but Jeonghoo sends in security and forces anyone who took pics/videos to delete them
SS7: They go camping. They come back from camping. It's Jeonghoo's birthday. Wan wants to make him soup but makes rice cakes instead. Jeonghoo goes to work. Wan gives Jeonghoo a bday bj under his desk.
SS8: Interview nonsense. A reporter interviews Wan and Jeonghoo and we learn things we already know.
The last 2 side stories were a memory loss au and a childhood friends au, and forgive me, but I could not bring myself to care about that, let alone read it.

Anyway final thoughts: The story is just a frustrating read. The author had too many ideas and couldn't flesh them out properly, and continuously wrote themselves into a corner, which is why there are so many scenes that lead to nowhere or just end. It's why there's not satisfying conclusion to a climax and are instead met with the start of a new scene and the climax's conclusion being recalled in a flashback. The foreshadowing is done pretty poorly, too. And maybe it's just bc I study literature but the second the chapters started with a focus on a certain object, I knew that's what was going to be utilized later in that same chapter. For instance, the chapter Wan learns he's pregnant, at the start, he and Jeonghoo eat apples in Jeonghoo's room. We learn it's his favorite fruit. Later that same chapter, Wan refers to the fetus as the size of an apple seed. And no, the whole apple thing doesn't come back into play at all (until the interview side story that is). I'm nitpicking here, but it's just disappointing that there were so many opportunities for the story to be fleshed out better but isn't.

I will say there are good parts, though. The author does a good job portraying Wan's emotions especially after he loses the baby. Same cannot be said for when the focus is on Jeonghoo bc, in my opinion, those moments are when the story drags the most. And it's more frequent post-abortion, which is a shame bc that's when their character development should be the most important. It was also super ballsy of the author to actually make Wan lose the baby (and proceed to not give them one even in the side stories). So props for deviating from the norm, you rarely see that in abo.

Btw I love toxic stories (more dark the better imo), so how I feel has nothing to do with the content but rather the way it's written. It could have been so much better but fell short so many times. It leaves you wanting more--not in the edge-of-your-seat way but the "so that's it? Really?" way.

Anyway, just some of my thoughts. I have far more for this story. But I just needed to get some of it out. Good story 3.8/5 ╮(￣▽￣)╭