Struggles

Hi I may struggle with something related to my trauma, maybe I’m a weirdo at this point but rapeplay/rape in any manga/manhwa always turned me or idk maybe some of them do not really turned me on since it’s wrong when characters vulnerability things to other character and i can imagine that i got raped like this. i hate this feeling kinda way and im ashamed to share this to my therapist or friends. is there a person related as this?