Tl;dr: My life is boring too and I'm happy
I'm a uni student. I'm lowk in a profession that makes it impossible to talk about my hobbies to other people (as a BL reader), in a uni that is definitely homophobic, but it's ok because I don't have to pay anything once I graduate nor do I have any friends here and that's ok. I don't have a romantic life because the people around me aren't that good and I never go out anyway (it's expensive). I live with my parents and younger siblings and make minimum wage. I'm saving up for a car and a month long vacation abroad to my homeland for after graduation. I'm currently taking summer classes to graduate early and preparing my resume until then.
Life's not perfect but I learned to not to gaf. I won't see the people I dislike in a couple of years and romance can wait after I have enough money to support myself and my family. By other's standards I'm probably a chud because I don't go outside but I'm perfectly content. My situation is not theirs anyway and there's a lot of life left to live. I have plans to travel once I'm older with my younger sisters who are genuinely closer than any friend I've ever had. I sometimes wonder if I should be living the internet life too but eh... don't wanna. Keep your peace, op.
Hi, I don't really know how to start this message, but I hope you are doing well. Your situation is far from boring, don't underestimate your feelings. Even if everyone makes you feel like you aren't worth it, you matter <3 We might not know each other, but I'm sending you love.
Your situation reminds me of my own. For years, I was part of a friend group who were (or so I thought) smarter than me. I was 'the idiot' of the group, the one with the lowest grades, the one who wasn't going to a prestigious school, etc. They underestimated me—with jokes, sure, but the intent was there. And that was *their* stupidity, *their* lack of intelligence. After a few years, I decided to cut ties with them; they were hurting me and I hadn't realized it, they were toxic.
Following that, I shut myself away. I felt unable to trust people like before, I felt worthless, and unworthy of being loved, even by myself. It was the beginning of my own personal hell: I was alone with myself and my demons, I felt guilty, I hated myself, and I closed myself off even more. It was a downward spiral. Even though I still had my childhood best friend, I felt empty, and not worthy of her friendship because I was depressed, even around her.
Then college started, and I moved far from home with my brother. I met people through him, but he left a year later. Which brings us to today: I've met people, but I don't feel good around them. I've gotten into several arguments with them and it brought back bad memories. I realized that I never really kept my head above water. I'm still the same girl: incredibly introverted, sad and gloomy, incapable of making friends, and feeling guilty just for existing.
So please know that you aren't alone. At least we are two lonely souls. But I want to believe that we will get better, that we will grow, and that we will find precious people along our path. But the journey is about healing. I think I need to make peace with myself. Because above all, I am the one I have to live with, and I need to learn to accept myself.
So maybe you too will find your answers one day, even if they are hard to find.
Ur like the most nonchalant person I've ever seen in the best way possible. Like I've always wanted to be like that. That was a very entertaining read and I hope u meet more friends who aren't homophobic and like yaoi. I'm in the same boat cuz most of my friends don't read yaoi and they don't like yaoi. U aren't a chud, like ur just a person living their life and that's rlly tuff. Thanks 4 sharing this!!
Omg that was genuinely so poetic and beautiful. I'm glad to know others find this relatable and I hope u get better too. Ik u can do it and u aren't stupid or anything. My friend group now are made up of rlly smart ppl, they're all in special classes and I'm just in regulars, and they get the highest grades for everything. So sometimes I feel a little dumb. I'm glad someone else has that same story cuz I don't feel so alone. Reading this literally made me so happy and giggly and like that nice tingly feeling. Ik u can find people who will accept u for who u are and I am rooting for you! Heading is a long process, a very long one. But we can do it together! Thank u so much for sharing this, I loved listening to u. Even if I don't know u, I feel connected to u through experiences, so I hope u succeed in the future! U can do this!
You'll get there one day when you go through the journey of realizing that other people's problems aren't your own and that other people's lives are theirs to live. I struggled a back then too with friendships so this is almost me speaking through the exhaustion of going through a lot of friend groups that make you feel out of the loop. You sound like a supportive person. I hope you find people who support you just as much <33
Thank u sm again, this was rlly a big help, even if it doesn't seem like it. I hope I'll find friends suited for me, and I hope u will also find friends suited for u. Rn I rlly do love my friends, but I know one day we'll all split up. I wish u good luck in the present and future!
Tw: it's lwk boring
Ever since summer break happened I think I feel better about myself because of my lack of human interaction. Because when I'm with my friends/classmates/teachers I always think about whether they think I'm a stupid fucking chud cuz sometimes (every time) I feel like noise pollution when I try to talk to them and I doubt they even care. The only person I could think of who actually might want to know of my wellbeing is my widowed art teacher who I helped out whenever I was in my lunch break everyday because I didn't have any friends to hang out with because my old friend group wouldn't stop telling me to kill myself whenever I breathed in their presence. And my Ex gf constantly joked about how our relationship was never serious and that it was my fault we broke up (even thought she was the one who told me that she didn't like me anymore and I respected it....and I was always the one carrying the relationship and initiating everything, but I mean it was lwk corny so I wouldn't want her to not break up with me in any other reality). And my science teacher wouldn't stop fucking harassing me every single class and telling me I'm a failure. Ok I've reached the curse word limit, I'm gonna sound like I was written by Vivziepop if I say "fuck" again. Well I made new friends but I lwk might have a big fat lesbian crush on one of them (I've actually known them for a while) but at the same time I don't like her cuz my other friends don't like her but like she's also kinda rude sometimes. There is absolutely no purpose for this, u don't need to comment anything lol. If you have other experiences or just want to comment smth about urself pls do, I'd love to hear. Or not, it's ur life.