Oh 100% everyone always says "hate this trope why don't they just do xyz" like ummmm it's obvious you've never been severely abused by your parent or lover.
As someone who was severely emotionally abused by my mother for 20 years I see myself in such a negative light it's insane. I only broke away once she threatened to get physical. I've even lost 53 pounds and still see myself as disgusting and that I'm still some fat pos(granted I am still fat ;-;)
Ohh 100% agree. I’m always thinking – commenter…I’m so happy your life has been fluff so far…but there’s plenty of fluff stories for you to vibe with, no need to complain lol
I'm a victim via mom too I get it! Also experience(d) weight fluctuations, body image issues, unfathomable self-criticism, physical harm by her hand. RELIABLE therapy or self-education helps immensely. I know me simply telling you not to feel that way is about as effective as a fart. And that everyone under the sun has probably told you that; but it’s not that easy, or you would have done it by now.
But in this one conversation you know what I can very honestly tell you? That you were both brave & smart enough to realize what was going on and break free. Many victims never do that. Plus it's MUCH harder to realize & escape when it’s from childhood, since for you it’s all you’ve ever known. That’s what you’ve been taught is the norm. But despite feeling disgusted with yourself, you also somewhere deep down had enough respect for yourself to see that what was happening to you was in fact NOT the norm, and that YOU DESERVE BETTER. You can simultaneously feel you have enough worth not to be treated that way while also feel filthy & worthless. It’s very hard for others to understand unless they’ve been trapped in that extreme manipulation. However, I can’t offer advice on how to reconcile such oxymoronic emotions. You definitely need a qualified (for your particular trauma) therapist for that.
Sorry that was long! I don’t usually solicit advice out of nowhere, sorry if any of it bothered you. It’s all well-intended. Also, I’m not trying to "tell you how you feel," just guessing based off the info at hand & my experience/education. Hope it helps! Can’t just stop hating yourself. But you can start adding the positive thoughts I mentioned. Don’t push it if it overwhelms you tho
I really don't like therapy personally, I've always been the type that I don't wanna talk about things seriously. I've tried a couple therapists but being forced to talk about what happened to me just left me sobbing to hard I couldn't breath and would almost puke and just make me tired afterward from all the straining. Not to mention forcing that all up to light when I'd been feeling fine before the session leaves me feeling even worse than normal
That’s fair, I can definitely understand how that seems counter-intuitive. I actually didn’t go to therapy for a loooooong time after realizing what was happening. I spent years just educating myself. Helped tons. That can be at your own pace, stopped at any point if it’s overwhelming, and doesn’t involve needing to divulge anything yourself! I still wish as few ppl as possible suffer side effects of what clinical narcissists do to them. Including you!! Whatever the case hope you’re healing and remember, you didn’t deserve that.
Samsam's self-criticism when he’s in front of the mirror is PEAK victim behavior from being raised by someone who's clinically narcissistic. Breaks my heart